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Fatwa CenterHis wife abuses him and does not respect his family
Question
Salaamoe aleikoem ya ahlul ilm.
i have a family issue going on and i want some islamic advice how to te deal with this situation.
im al hamdulilah maried for 4 years and i have one son who is 2 years old.
The problem is that my wife has some conflicts with my mother, brother and sisters.
There some things happend in the past but to much to tell here.
My wife says that she forgives the pain and everything they did to her.
But she says i dont want to go to them anymore.
So when i go to my parents i mostly go alone and sometimes with my son. my wife dident go to my parents for a year now!
My mother then ask my where is your wife?
im telling here that she 's angry about the past and what you did to here so she doesnt want to come.
I tried to get both parties together at my home and talk things out. like 3 times but then hsomething happens and again my wife gets angry. I do my best to have patient because when i discuss with my wife the problem she gets angry and says divorce me then.
she keeps coming with things that happend in the past and so on.
She shouts to me and hits me and trow stuff at me. afther 3 years of marriage i couldnt handel it and so i sometimes hit her too.
anyway on the other side here family has some problems. her father is divorced en left his ex wife and child. He and his son lived with us from october 2007 till february 2008. now he is back living with us. Even i dont like the way things went i have patient with that because its her father.
i dont why she isnt patient with my family but I have to be patient with here family.
Because there also a lot of stuff about her father saying things about me en things that hurts me. But im like its my father in law I respect him i would never discuss something with him but respect his view even if i aint agree with him. But my wife when she speaks to my mother she tells here you did this and that to me and you are not treating me as a familymember and so on.
advice me please
djazakallah
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The problems that might happen between a husband and his wife is a great affliction, and everyone should know that keeping good relations with the in-laws is something Islamicly required. Therefore, one should be keen on achieving this as a way of following the example of the Prophet who used to keep good relations with his in-laws.
We advise you to be patient and wise and you should endeavour to reconcile between your wife and your family. You should observe the right of each one of them and repel the harm of each one from the other. Furthermore, you are not allowed to force your wife to visit your family if she is harmed by doing so, and she is not obliged to obey you in such a matter. However, if she can obey you and visit your family with you and be patient over the harm that she may face from them, then this is a good thing for which she will be rewarded. This is something that may increase the affection between you and her.
The wife should know the great status of her husband and that in Islamic Law he is her protector and provider. Allaah Says (what means): {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.}[Quran 4:34] Therefore, she is not permitted to raise her voice over him or to hit him and the like, and this is considered disobedience and ill-conduct from her. If she does not stop this, then her husband may follow the religious steps in dealing with a disobedient wife; for more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 89480 and 85402.
Indeed you did well by inviting your father in-law the (father of your wife) and being patient with him, and this is among the characteristics of generous men. If your wife is not patient with your family, then you should be patient with her family just for seeking the Pleasure of Allaah and being kind to your in-laws.
Allaah Knows best.
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