As salamu 'alaikum. I am a muslim boy. I am not able to tolerate physical or mental pain. When faced with pain I used to swear using very bad words, and sometimes these insults were directed towards Allah. I repented many times. I loathe myself for being like this. I can't imagine what will I do if I am thrown into hellfire. Now I try very hard to keep my mouth shut from swearing when I feel pain but the problem is I can't stop swearing mentally and I am afraid that I insult Allah mentally. Astaghfirullah. I don't know why I do this but I really am unable to tolerate pain. I find myself blaming Allah for sending me to this world where I have to face so much pain. I know you might say my pain is nothing compared to the prophet's(peace be upon him) pain but I still can't stop swearing mentally. I need help. Whenever I face pain I can't stop insulting Allah mentally. I feel so bad. I tell myself 'just shut up! Who cares about your pain? NO ONE! Stop complaining!' but it doesn't stop. Help! JazakAllah.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger. {C}

Verily, this worldly life is a place of trials and afflictions; Allaah, The Exalted, tests His slaves by means of good (blessings) and bad (afflictions). He says (what means): {Every soul will taste death. And We test you with evil and with good as trial; and to Us you will be returned.}[Quran 21:35]

One of the major purposes of these trials is to know who is patient and who is impatient. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And We will surely test you until We make evident those who strive among you [for the cause of Allaah] and the patient, and We will test your affairs.}[Quran 47:31] If a Muslim adheres to patience when a trial befalls him, he earns generous rewards and great benefits. Please refer to Fatwa 83577 about the fruits of patience.

Impatience and resentfulness harm and do not benefit the afflicted person in any sense. They do not ward off any feared harm or bring about any desired benefit. The only result is that they add more distress to the afflicted person.

Therefore, a wise person should not bring upon himself more harm from his trials especially where his religion is concerned - we mean doing something that undermines his religiosity, particularly blasphemy as you mentioned in the question. Indeed, this is explicit Kufr (disbelief) that takes a person out of the fold of Islam.

We have referred you to a number of Fataawa in an earlier question regarding committing blasphemy, and underlined that it constitutes disbelief and apostasy. Verily, when a Muslim abandons his religion, he loses the worldly life and the Hereafter as well. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {... And whoever of you reverts from his religion [to disbelief] and dies while he is a disbeliever - for those, their deeds have become worthless in this world and the Hereafter, and those are the companions of the Fire, they will abide therein eternally.}[Quran 2:217]

It is a good thing that you scorn yourself and regret what you have done; however, you should channel this regret and turn to Allaah in sincere repentance and revert back to Islam. You still have the time and opportunity to turn to your Lord in repentance; you should not miss it and repent before you are deprived of that chance. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {The repentance accepted by Allaah is only for those who do wrong in ignorance [or carelessness] and then repent soon after. It is those to whom Allaah will turn in forgiveness, and Allaah is ever Knowing and Wise.* But repentance is not [accepted] of those who [continue to] do evil deeds up until, when death comes to one of them, he says, "Indeed, I have repented now," or of those who die while they are disbelievers. For them We have prepared a painful punishment.}[Quran 4:17-18] The Prophet said: "Indeed, Allaah accepts the repentance of a slave as long as his death rattle has not begun (his soul has not reached his throat)." [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah]

Also, we advise you to avoid anger because it is the key to many evils; please, refer to Fatwa 86681. You should know that Allaah, The Exalted, does not hold a person accountable for the inner thoughts that cross his mind (passing thoughts that he does not dwell on and they do not take root in his heart) as long as they are not translated into words and actions, as clarified in Fatwa 98881. If a person repels such inner thoughts and devilish whisperings, this is a sign of goodness in him. If he does not repel them, they might take root in his heart and then he will dwell on them and his heart will become used to them. It is then that they are considered intentions for which a person will be held accountable. Abu Hurayrah reported that a group of the Companions came to the Prophet and said, "Verily, we find in our minds that which every one of us considers it too grave to express!' The Prophet said: 'Do you really perceive it (i.e. perceive it too grave to be expressed?' They said, "Yes." Upon this he remarked: 'That is the faith manifest.'"

An-Nawawi commented, "The Hadeeth means that the fact that the Companions felt it too grave to express such inner thoughts is the faith manifest. Considering it too grave to express such evil inner thoughts and fear of their evil consequences and the gravity of translating them into words, not to mention believing in them, are indicative of the person's perfect and complete faith."

As for the sins that one has resolved and intended to do and whether he is to be held accountable for them or not, we will cite the words of Ibn Rajab in this regard. He underlined that a person will be held accountable if he has resolved and intended to do sins that occurred in his mind and became established, and which he dwells on. Some of those sins are actions of the heart (that have to do with faith) such as harboring doubts about the Oneness of Allaah, the Prophethood, or the Day of Resurrection, and other kinds of disbelief and hypocrisy. These are all things for which a person will be punished and by means of which he becomes a disbeliever and a hypocrite. He said, "... there are other sins which are associated with the heart such as loving what Allaah hates or hating what Allaah loves, arrogance, envy, and thinking ill of a fellow Muslim for no valid reason..."

Finally, we advise you to keenly remember Allaah, The Exalted, ask for His forgiveness, seek refuge in Him from such evil inner thoughts, recite the Ruqyah (Quranic healing) regularly, and keep the company of righteous people. For more benefit, kindly refer to Fataawa 85505, 88486, 92481.

Allaah knows best.