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Fatwa CenterProviding for wife and children takes precedence over providing for parents
Question
When i was with my husband in abroad, my m-in-law lied with my husband about me. So, unnecessary he quarreled with me. So i came back to india alone. We dint speak with each other for six months. After six months when i asked about money he said that he left the job 6months before. When i saw his bank transactions since six months all the money went to his mother. He lied with me. I have two kids. When i asked him that why he had lied me he said he has the right to send money to his mother and i have not done anything wrong by saying lie. I dont have a problem if he send the money to his mother but what the need to say lie with me. He dint cared me and my kids for 6 months.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
The husband should verify whatever he is told about his wife; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful.} [Quran 49:6] The spouses should wisely address their problems and keenly try finding solutions for them instead of hastening to separate and shun one another.
The husband has the right to help his mother financially if he wishes; however, this should not be at the expense of the rights of his wife and children. Instead, he should give each his due right. It should be noted, though, that providing for one's wife and children is given priority over providing for one's parents in case one cannot provide for them all. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "It is sufficient sin for a man that he neglects those whom he maintains (i.e. his dependents)." [Abu Daawood]
The husband is obliged to provide for his wife and children according to his financial ability; however, in case of a recalcitrant wife, the obligatory spending is waived until she gives up her recalcitrance. When the wife leaves the marital house or travels without her husband's permission, this is considered recalcitrance on her part.
In any case, when the wife voluntarily provides for herself and her children while expecting to take that money back from the husband, she is entitled to demand the amount she spent from him later on; please refer to Fatwa 85012.
Although spouses are given concession to lie to one another, it is only with respect to what helps them maintain good marital relations, not what involves wronging or neglecting each other and neglecting each other's rights as underlined in Fataawa 88586 and 132756.
Lastly, we advise you to strive to reconcile with your husband and protect your family so that your children are not harmed by it.
Allaah Knows best.
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