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Fatwa CenterBetter not to know a girl’s opinion before a formal proposal
Question
Is it permissible to know the opinion of a girl whom I want to propose to? Her father told me, “Think about the matter and do not delay.” However, I do not know her opinion; perhaps she has no idea about the matter. I do not want to propose to her and then be informed that she does not accept me. Her father informed me that the matter is still only between him and me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
It is permissible to know the opinion of this girl with the help of a trustworthy woman. However, it is better not to do so and simply propose to her through her father. Her father is her guardian and she cannot marry without his permission. He is more far-sighted than her and more able to convince her to do what is in her favor.
The girl might be hasty in refusing you due to being inexperienced and unaware of the benefits of such a marriage and consequently she would miss out on a lot of good. As long as she does not marry against her will and will not be compelled to marry a certain person, then, there is no reason to know her opinion before proposing to her. Afterwards, there is no problem if she accepts or refuses you because the acceptance or refusal of the suitor does not increase or decrease his status.
Allaah Knows best.
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