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Fatwa CenterRuling on talking about intercourse
Question
Is intercourse Sunnah or a command of the Shariah? Is talking openly and vulgarly about intercourse considered indecent in Islam? What if a person hates such persons who talk about intercourse in such a manner? (The person does not hate intercourse but feels uncomfortable when people talk about it.)
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
The basic principle is that sexual intercourse with the wife is allowed; however, it may become obligatory or recommended or disliked or prohibited under certain circumstances.
The Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh reads, “The majority of scholars held that the basic ruling on intercourse with one's lawful wife or slave girl is permissibility, as it is among the lawful pleasures to which humans are naturally inclined, and it is not considered an act of obedience or a sin in and of itself. It may be recommended if accompanied with a good intention such as preserving one's chastity, refraining from sinning, and seeking the reward of Allah, the Exalted.”
An-Nawawi 
wrote:
“Permissible actions may become acts of obedience to Allah if accompanied by a good, sincere intention. Intercourse may be an act of worship if the intention behind it is to fulfill the rights (and needs) of one's wife; to treat her kindly, as enjoined by Allah, the Exalted; to seek a righteous child; to keep oneself or one’s wife chaste; to prevent both partners from looking at or thinking of prohibited things; and other good intentions. It may be obligatory in certain situations, such as the case when it is the means to preserve one's chastity or the spouse's chastity. It may be forbidden, such as having intercourse with the menstruating woman, with one's wife in case of Thihaar before paying the due expiation, or while fasting in Ramadan. It may be disliked in the presence of certain factors that entail dislike.”
Regarding speaking about intercourse; if the speaker uses vulgar language or discloses his bedroom secrets, this is prohibited. The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “Perhaps a man will mention what he did with his wife, and perhaps a woman will mention what she did with her husband.” The people sat in embarrassed silence until I (the narrator) spoke up and said, “Indeed, O Messenger of Allah, they do so quite often.” He, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “Do not do that, for, indeed, it is just like a male devil meeting a female devil on a road and having intercourse with her while people are watching.”
As for speaking about intercourse without using vulgar language or disclosing the bedroom secrets, it is disliked if there is no need for it and allowed if there is a need for it.
‘Awn Al-Ma‘bood reads:
“It is said that what is prohibited in this regard is to spread matters of intercourse and describe its details and disclose what the spouse says or does during it. As for mere mention of intercourse, then if there is no need for it or benefit in it, it is disliked, because it is contrary to decency and to the obligation to refrain from talking about what does not concern the person. Indeed, it is part of being a good Muslim to refrain from what does not concern him. However, if there is a need for that or some benefit may be served thereby, then it is not disliked to mention it, such as if a woman complains that her husband is not having intercourse with her and that he is impotent or the like; it was narrated that a man whose wife claimed that he was impotent said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, I am very strong and can satisfy her.’ The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not scorn him for saying that.”
Allah knows best.
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