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Fatwa CenterWife refuses to comply with husband's wishes
Question
I have been recently married. But my wife is not obedient to me at all. She doesn't not speak to me for months. She fights for small petty things and put a question forward for anything told to her. She does not respect me and ask me to do things which are against Deen or Duniya e.g. like to leave my parents. She is not ready to accept that in Islaam a wife should listen to her husband. She gets very short tempered and verbally abuses me, as I love her tried to console her many times without fail. Everyone knows its my wife's mistake but they say she is childish and possessed so please be calm. I don't believe in all this because she is fine with others but when it comes matter related to my family she is furious and partial. She has every harsh tongue and keep back answering all elders with taunts and bitter words. Now she is 5 months pregnant but has spoken to me for 2 months as I'm working abroad. She doesn't cooperate with me in field or in any matter. Even after a quarrel she never comes to me for settlement and I have been taking the first step for compromise all the time putting my ego down just for Islaam teachings. It has been 2mnts she is not in touch with me what should I do I don't want to bow this time at any cost. But I'm worried as she is having my child. I want to speak to her but then my ego comes and reminds me of the very very bitter words she told to me when leaving.
1) What should be my stand now under Islaam?
2) What's the use of having a wife who doesn't obey me? Should I divorce her?
3) Can I immediately divorce her after delivery and take my child.
4) I love her a lot I don't want to divorce her but she due to her tongue and behavior and stubbiness making life very difficult for me is there any other solution to this matter.
Recently I sent her a article from your site about responsibilities and duties of wife. In reply to this she just writes back to me I better don't advice her and keep this teachings for my sisters and other females. I have tried all methods now I'm in a confused position please help.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
As long as your wife is as you have stated, then she is a disobedient wife. We advise you to follow the steps mentioned by Allaah in treating the disobedience of one's wife. For this, please refer to Fatwa: 83324.
However, you are not obliged to divorce her for these reasons. The matter is in your hand. You have to balance between the benefits of keeping her under your guardianship, and the benefits of divorcing her. It is up to you to decide when to divorce her. If divorce takes place and you had a child from her, the fostering of the child is for the mother if she is eligible for it. If there is an obstacle like being dissolute or being married with someone else, or the like, then the right of fostering is taken from her and transferred to whoever is more appropriate for the child's fostering, like her mother if she is alive and is eligible for fostering.
Finally, we draw your attention to the following matters:
a) Supplicate to Allaah as much as possible so that He may change her to become a righteous wife; as supplicating is the best means to achieve this.
b) Seek the help of the wise people from her family or whoever else can influence her.
c) If you definitely think that she is possessed by Jinn or had been a victim of an evil eye, then you should make Ruqyah (read Qur'aan and Prophetic supplications) over her. You can even make Ruqyah for her without her knowledge, like reading the Qur'aan and blow on water and then give it to her to drink, and the like.
Allaah knows best.
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