Widows and society

28/02/2011| IslamWeb

The husband has died and everyone surrounds the wife consoling and comforting her. Once the days of giving condolences are over, the woman finds herself alone, confronting her tragedy and her new responsibility. Additionally, a new kind of suffering begins, that is, the society's critical look at her for being without a husband. She is held accountable for every move that she makes. Thus, how does society regard the widow? What is the evaluation of specialized professors concerning this issue?

The following survey will answer these questions.

 

The widow is responsible for her image

 

Dr. Hamdi Yaaseen, professor of socio-psychology at Ain Shams University, says that the way society regards the widow depends on the nature, culture and ethics of that society and how observant its members are of the teachings of Islam. It also depends on the experiences of families in that society, like having a widowed mother or sister; such experiences would make them able to judge the woman soundly.

 

The widow herself contributes to crystallizing such looks in a negative or positive way. If the widow is sincere to her husband and strives with her children, she often receives support, assistance and sympathy from others to help her complete her mission and her journey to bring up and take care of her children, and vice versa. Dr. Hamdi Yaaseen adds that cultural and religious awareness of the people around the widow play an important role in forming social image in a way that prevents them from holding people accountable for mere doubts, or carelessly accusing chaste women or judging them without reason.

 

Dr. Hamdi believes that the positive image of the widow helps her intermix and react with others at work and amidst neighbors and relatives. Instead of sitting alone, recalling the past and giving in to the devil’s whisperings, she tries to create for herself sound referential human groups who act as first aid to bind her wounds and guarantee her return with a correct start after having rearranged her affairs.

 

Dr. Nabeel As-Samaalooti, former Dean of the Faculty of Humanities Al-Azhar University, defines the widow as a woman who is destined to lose her husband who supports and provides for her. This definition necessitates that the Muslim society should sponsor her and her children properly. He states that Arab communities still look at the widow with mercy and sympathy, considering her a woman with special circumstances who needs help and support in her struggle. Dr. As-Samaalooti thinks that such a positive view may change somewhat if she wants to remarry. People would then consider her to be ungrateful and insincere to her late husband, or that she does not care about her children. People would regard her in that way despite the fact that marriage is a basic right that Islam granted to her after her ‘Iddah (waiting period) ends, especially if she is young and has children who need a father. It is permissible for her to marry in order to maintain her chastity and resume her life in a normal family.

 

The husband also has to be kind and merciful to her children and be able to deal with them in a way that puts him in the place of their father. Newspapers report some cases like a step-father kicking his wife’s children out or a widow forsaking her children. However, these are unusual and exceptional cases that we cannot use as a solid ground to determine the stance of the society on the widow’s marriage. Even if the widow has the right to remarry under the Sharee‘ah, it is still preferable for her to dedicate her life to bringing up and looking after her children.

 

The media oppresses the widow

 

Dr. As-Samaalooti says that the media has oppressed the widow. It represents the widow as an immoral woman. People who are responsible for the media should fear Allah The Almighty regarding what they present. They should present the role that a widow is supposed to play to become an example for others because the media substantially contributes to forming values, attitudes and trends pertaining to the widow’s marriage or her struggle to avoid distorting her honorable image.

 

Problems from several aspects:

 

Miss Manaal ‘Abdul-‘Aal, a lecturer in the Sociology Department in the Faculty of Arts of Cairo University, states that society looks at the woman who has no husband, whether she is widowed or divorced, in the same way. In the case of the widow, however, the society regards her with pity at first, but it regards the divorced woman in a doubtful way. Hence, the society deals with the widow in a gentler way, owing to the fact that she lost the family supporter for a reason that was out of her hand. However, the widow still faces several problems from several areas:

 

1- From the family of the husband

 

If the widow wants to marry while she has children, the problems of custody begin. Sometimes the family of the husband asks her to marry one of the family members for the children’s sake. She also becomes a source of anxiety for the women in the family who fear for their husbands.

 

2- From her family

 

She is kept under close watch out of fear for her if she does not move to the house of her family and she remains in her husband's house. The matter may be easy if one of her parents or both of them are still alive; however, it becomes difficult when both of them have passed away.

 

3- Relations between friends and neighbors worsen to a great extent

 

Every woman fears that her husband might look at the widow…

 

The need for marriage

 

Concerning the wife’s psychology, Dr. Aaminah Abu Kayfah, a specialist psychologist in the Psychiatric Clinic of Ain Shams University, says that the husband is undoubtedly the supporter and provider of the family, and when the woman loses that supporter, she loses her psychological balance for a period of time. Then, she either remains firm or collapses. Arab and Muslim women in general have a strong will and can endure different shocks. They can play the role of the mother and the father together, particularly if they are working women. From the psychological aspect, the widow, as well as her children, are exposed to an emotional emptiness due to the absence of the husband. Here, the need for marriage emerges to fill that emptiness.

 

Sometimes, the widow faces problems when she wants to remarry as a result of societal pressures and her fear for the children. She lives in conflict between her need and her fear for her children. Her love and fear for her children might outweigh her desire for marriage. At other times, the conflicts inside her might develop into anxiety, frustration and depression within her, and this is all reflected on her children and those around her since they are the ones who stand between her and happiness. Thus, the society should help the widow to remarry if she wants to, and it should not consider this as ingratitude to her late husband. Her children and relatives are worthier to help her in this regard.

 

The Sharee‘ah (Islamic Law) perspective

 

Considering the Sharee‘ah perspective on the widow’s remarriage, Dr. ‘Abdul-‘Azeez Ramadan Samak, assistant professor in the Sharee‘ah Department in the Faculty of Law of Cairo University, says that Islam considers human nature, hence, it permits the marriage of the widow and sets a specific period for her ‘Iddah, which is four months and ten days or until delivery for pregnant women. The Prophet, , married widows like Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her. When the Prophet, , proposed to her, she said, "No one of my family is present." He replied: “There is no one of your family, present or not, who opposes this marriage.”Whereupon, she said to her son, “Conduct the marriage of the Messenger of Allah.”

 

Dr. ‘Abdul-‘Azeez adds that the Quran permitted proposing to the widow during her ‘Iddah, but in an implicit and indirect way, not explicitly. Marriage is a shield for both the man and woman, and if there are traditions that look down on the widow who remarries, then this attitude is incorrect. However, the mother should consider the interest of her children when she chooses her husband. The children should also consider their mother’s happiness and should be kind to her if she wants to marry at any age, and they should not think ill of her. Dr. ‘Abdul-‘Azeez calls upon society to take care of widows, and the man who looks after the orphans in his house will accompany the Prophet, , in Paradise.

 

Dr. Raashid As-Sahl believes that the widow needs a long time to adapt to her new life, for once the husband dies she feels too weak and unable to make a decision or bear any responsibility. As time passes, she adapts to the new situation, particularly when those around her help her develop confidence in herself and her abilities. Dr. Raashid As-Sahl instructs the widow to follow two ways to overcome her psychological suffering:

1 - The frequent performance of acts of worship, recitation of the Quran and prayers.

2 - Acquiring more knowledge and information that help her deal with her new reality successfully.