The Preventative Remedy for Spinsterhood
24/01/2016| IslamWeb
Overcoming the Problem of Large Dowries
Costly dowries are one of the greatest obstacles to marriage. The Sharee‘ah provides a practical solution to this problem in the Book of Allah The Almighty and in the verbal as well as practical Sunnah of the Prophet, 
. In the Quran, Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah Is All-Encompassing and Knowing.} [Quran 24 32] In the Sunnah, the Prophet, , said: “Among the signs of a blessed woman are that her betrothal, her dowry and her womb [giving birth] are made easy.” [Ahmad]
With regard to the practical Sunnah, the Prophet, , never gave a dowry to any of his wives or took a dowry for any of his daughters that was more than 500 dirhams: Abu Salamah, may Allah be pleased with him, asked ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, “How much did the Prophet pay as a dowry for his wives?” She said, “His dowry was twelve ounces and a Nashsh. Do you know what a Nashsh is?” Abu Salamah replied, “No.” She answered, “Half an ounce; this [the twelve and half ounces] equals 500 dirhams, and this was the dowry that the Prophet would give to [any of] his wives."[Muslim]
, never gave a dowry to any of his wives or took a dowry for any of his daughters that was more than 500 dirhams: Abu Salamah, may Allah be pleased with him, asked ‘Aa’ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, “How much did the Prophet pay as a dowry for his wives?” She said, “His dowry was twelve ounces and a Nashsh. Do you know what a Nashsh is?” Abu Salamah replied, “No.” She answered, “Half an ounce; this [the twelve and half ounces] equals 500 dirhams, and this was the dowry that the Prophet would give to [any of] his wives."[Muslim]Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “When ‘Ali married Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with them, the Prophet said to him: ‘Give her something [i.e. a dowry].’ ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, replied, 'I have nothing [to give to her as a dowry].' The Prophet said: ‘Where is your armor [that is called] Al-Hutamiyyah?’ So he brought it and gave it to her.”
said to him: ‘Give her something [i.e. a dowry].’ ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, replied, 'I have nothing [to give to her as a dowry].' The Prophet said: ‘Where is your armor [that is called] Al-Hutamiyyah?’ So he brought it and gave it to her.”Also, a woman came to the Prophet, and said, “O Messenger of Allah! I have come to give you myself in marriage [without a dowry].” The Prophet, looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her, then lowered his head. When the woman saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his Companions then got up and said, “O Messenger of Allah! If you do not want her, marry her to me." The Prophet, said: “Have you got anything [to offer as a dowry]?”The man said, “No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah!” The Prophet, , said to him: “Go to your family and see if you can get something.”The man went and returned, saying, “No, by Allah, I have not found anything.” The Prophet said:“[Go again] and look for something, even if it is an iron ring.” He went again and returned, saying, “No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my loincloth [he did not have an upper garment].” He added, “I can give half of it to her." The Prophet, said: “What will she do with your loincloth? If you wear it, she will not have a part of it, and if she wears it, you will not have a part of it.”The man sat down for a long time and then got up (to leave). When the Prophet, saw him leaving, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet, , said: “How much of the Quran do you know?...”
and said, “O Messenger of Allah! I have come to give you myself in marriage [without a dowry].” The Prophet, looked at her. He looked at her carefully and fixed his glance on her, then lowered his head. When the woman saw that he did not say anything, she sat down. A man from his Companions then got up and said, “O Messenger of Allah! If you do not want her, marry her to me." The Prophet, said: “Have you got anything [to offer as a dowry]?”The man said, “No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah!” The Prophet, , said to him: “Go to your family and see if you can get something.”The man went and returned, saying, “No, by Allah, I have not found anything.” The Prophet said:“[Go again] and look for something, even if it is an iron ring.” He went again and returned, saying, “No, by Allah, O Messenger of Allah! I could not find even an iron ring, but this is my loincloth [he did not have an upper garment].” He added, “I can give half of it to her." The Prophet, said: “What will she do with your loincloth? If you wear it, she will not have a part of it, and if she wears it, you will not have a part of it.”The man sat down for a long time and then got up (to leave). When the Prophet, saw him leaving, he ordered that he be called back. When he came, the Prophet, , said: “How much of the Quran do you know?...”‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, said, "Do not demand costly dowries for women!"
The Sharee‘ah has made the dowry a means of honor for women, so women should not therewith be rendered as a commodity that is bought and sold. There is no woman greater, more honorable or nobler than Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, whom the Prophet, , married off in return for a suit of armor. We do not say that large dowries are prohibited, but we do call for moderation.
, married off in return for a suit of armor. We do not say that large dowries are prohibited, but we do call for moderation. Fighting the Habit of Giving Extravagant Weddings
We will not go into much detail here, and only mention two examples:
1 – The marriage of the best man in the world:
When the Prophet, , married Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her, and the marriage banquet consisted merely of butter, simmered milk and dates.
, married Safiyyah, may Allah be pleased with her, and the marriage banquet consisted merely of butter, simmered milk and dates. 2─ The marriage of the cream of women of Paradise, Faatimah Az-Zahraa’, may Allah be pleased with her:
‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “What the Prophet prepared as a trousseau for Faatimah was a velvet gown, an animal- skin bottle and a pillow that was filled with Ithkhir [a sweet smelling herb].”Jaabir, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “We attended the wedding of Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, and we never witnessed a wedding better than it. We filled a mattress with fiber, brought dates and raisins and ate. Her bed on her wedding night was the skin of a ram.” When ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, may Allah be pleased with him, got married, the Prophet said to him: “Offer a banquet, even if with one ewe.”
prepared as a trousseau for Faatimah was a velvet gown, an animal- skin bottle and a pillow that was filled with Ithkhir [a sweet smelling herb].”Jaabir, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “We attended the wedding of Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, and we never witnessed a wedding better than it. We filled a mattress with fiber, brought dates and raisins and ate. Her bed on her wedding night was the skin of a ram.” When ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, may Allah be pleased with him, got married, the Prophet said to him: “Offer a banquet, even if with one ewe.”The Guardian of the Bride May Offer Righteous Men to Marry the Woman Under his Guardianship
If the guardian of a young woman finds a righteous, religious, suitable man, he may offer him to marry the woman whom he is responsible for, whether she is his daughter or relative. There is nothing wrong with this and is, in fact the way of reasonable people. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, did so, as it was narrated thathe, may Allah be pleased with him, said: 'When [my daughter] Hafsah bint ‘Umar was widowed by her husband, Khunays ibn Huthaafah As-Sahmi, who was one of the Companions of the Prophet and someone who had fought in the battle of Badr and who died in Al-Madeenah. I met 'Uthman ibn 'Affaan and offered him Hafsah in marriage, saying, ‘If you wish, I can marry Hafsah bint 'Umar to you.' On that, he said, ‘I will think it over.’ I waited for a few days and then he said to me. ‘I am of the opinion that I shall not marry at present.’ Then, I met Abu Bakr and said, ‘If you wish, I will marry her to you - Hafsa bint 'Umar.’ He kept quiet and did not give me any reply and I was, therefore, angrier with him than I was with ‘Uthmaan. Some days later, the Prophet asked her hand in marriage and so I married her to him. Later, Abu Bakr met me and said, ‘Perhaps you were angry with me when you offered me Hafsah in marriage and I gave no reply to you?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Abu Bak said, ‘Nothing prevented me from accepting your offer except that I knew that the Prophet had mentioned her and I would not have disclosed the secret of the Prophet but had he [i.e. the Prophet] given her up, I would have accepted her.’[Al-Bukhari]
and someone who had fought in the battle of Badr and who died in Al-Madeenah. I met 'Uthman ibn 'Affaan and offered him Hafsah in marriage, saying, ‘If you wish, I can marry Hafsah bint 'Umar to you.' On that, he said, ‘I will think it over.’ I waited for a few days and then he said to me. ‘I am of the opinion that I shall not marry at present.’ Then, I met Abu Bakr and said, ‘If you wish, I will marry her to you - Hafsa bint 'Umar.’ He kept quiet and did not give me any reply and I was, therefore, angrier with him than I was with ‘Uthmaan. Some days later, the Prophet asked her hand in marriage and so I married her to him. Later, Abu Bakr met me and said, ‘Perhaps you were angry with me when you offered me Hafsah in marriage and I gave no reply to you?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ Abu Bak said, ‘Nothing prevented me from accepting your offer except that I knew that the Prophet had mentioned her and I would not have disclosed the secret of the Prophet but had he [i.e. the Prophet] given her up, I would have accepted her.’[Al-Bukhari]This was the understanding of ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, and who among us is better than ‘Umar?
We ask Allah The Almighty to guide the Ummah to all that leads it to goodness.
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