Advice to My Daughter

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

My daughter, I am a man who is no longer young; I am one who has left his dreams and illusions behind. I have traveled a lot, met people and experienced life. Therefore, please lend an ear to this rare and frank word of advice that is the extract of my years and experiences.

Many of us have run our pens dry and exhausted our tongues in calling for rectifying morals, erasing corruption and suppressing desires. However, we have achieved nothing and did not manage to remove evil, which is, instead, increasing and spreading, alongside corruption. Wanton display of bodies and nudity are escalating at an alarming rate and reaching from one place to another, and I believe, has pervaded all Muslim countries, even Greater Syria, where loose, covered clothes used to prevail, and honor and modesty were strictly preserved. There, nowadays, ladies go out unveiled, exposing their arms and necks.

We did not succeed and I think we will not. Do you know why? That is because we have yet to reach the right door to reform, which only you, my daughter, have the key to. Thus, if you take the initiative in opening this door, conditions will revolutionize.

True, men take the first step on the path of sin, not a woman. Yet, if a woman does not accept a man’s overtures, he will not proceed. If not for her leniency, he would not dare to continue. He enters a door that has been left open; a thief that has been welcomed will rob, and when he does, a woman screams for help. But, if you remember that most men are thieves, you would be as cautious with them as a frugal person is from a robber.

If you know that all men are wolves and you are like a ewe, you would flee from them as she does. In fact, a wolf craves the meat of a ewe, whereas a man wants something that is dearer to you than the flesh is to the sheep and more evil, if lost, than the death of a ewe. He is after your chastity, with which you are honored, that is your prestige and your life. By Allah, it is true that a life of a girl who has been violated is worse than the death of a sheep.

Many young men, upon seeing a girl, let their imagination undress her and visualize her naked. By Allah, I swear this is correct. Do not believe men who claim they all solely observe the woman's morals and ethics; and that they speak with her and treat her kindly, only because they consider her just a friend. By Allah, they lie, for when among their own, you will find these same men saying terrifying things.

The smiles, amiable words and help many young men offer are just pretexts for getting what they want or at the very least, they do it to give themselves the impression that they are preparing to achieve their purpose.

But then, what comes afterwards? Please, do tell! If he gets his way with you, you both may share pleasure for an hour, and he then forgets it, while you still suffer its fallout forever. He simply moves on to another naive girl to rob her of her chastity, while you bear the burdens of pregnancy, self-doubt and humiliation. What’s worse, the unjust society forgives him for being “a young man who deviated but repented", but in your case, you continue to live in permanent shame.

When you meet such a man, resist him, turn your face away from him, giving him your back. If he still insists on brazenly touching you, ward him off with your shoes if you can find nothing else; upon seeing that, people on the street will help you against him, and no immoral man will then find the courage to do the same with any girl. As for a good man, he will come to you with a sincere intention to have lawful relations with you through marriage.

Any girl, regardless of her social status, wealth, fame or esteem, finds her greatest hope and happiness fulfilled in marriage, when she takes on the role of a righteous wife and a good mother. This is the case, whether those in question are queens, princesses or Hollywood stars whose fame and glamour deceive many women. I know of two great women writers in Egypt and Greater Syria, whose names I would rather not divulge for the sake of their reputation; they both enjoyed wealth and literary esteem, but they did not marry, and later became psychologically ill. So, even if she becomes a member of parliament or assumes leadership, sustaining a meaningful relationship like marriage is the peak of a woman's wishes.

Thus, every person looks for a moral and responsible potential spouse. Ironically, even one who seduces a respectable girl with false promises of marriage does not live up to them if she mirrors him and falls into evil acts. He would leave her, preying on another girl who is chaste, for he cannot live with his wife and mother of his children being a fornicator.

Hence, only when an immoral man ceases to find his like in a girl, who loses her dignity to him, becoming a toy in his hands by accepting to share in unlawful acts, will he properly seek marriage according to the traditions of Islam. It seems that if such depraved men were not indulged by immoral girls, the recession in marriage would reverse course and decadence would decline.

So, why do noble girls not aid in this struggle against immorality? You are more qualified in that regard than us men, for you know how to speak to girls and make them understand. Only you – chaste, moral and religious girls – can uproot this corruption.

In most every home, girls who have come of age have not married because young men found women of the street as alternatives to wives. Help those deviant sisters return to the straight path, by forming support groups from female intellectuals, teachers and university students.

Inspire them with the fear of Allah The Almighty; if they do not fear Him, warn them against sexually transmitted diseases; if they do not care, speak to them about reality. Ask them if their beauty which causes young men to approach them will last eternally. Surely, they believe nothing on earth will remain forever, then could their youth and good looks? Tell them to imagine themselves when they have grown into old ladies with bent backs and wrinkled faces; who will take care of them then or ask about them?

The only people who care for, honor and revere an old lady, are her own flesh and blood: her sons, daughters and grandchildren. Thus, she becomes the queen of her dominion. On the other hand, those who care not for meaningful relationships soon live in a pitiful manner that you are adequately aware of. Can the temporary pleasures trump the eventual pain? Should this end be bought in exchange for those wild beginnings?

You do not need anyone to instruct you on how to speak to your sisters who have gone astray. Utilize every possible means to guide them; but if that is not feasible, protect virtuous girls from falling into imitating the bad ones. One cannot expect you to return a woman to her fundamental state as a practicing Muslim in one attempt, because an immediate breakthrough is next to impossible. So, it would be prudent to assist them in going back to virtue one step at a time, just as they renounced it and gradually proceeded toward evil.

The manner in which they slowly abandoned virtue, subtly thinned the veil and expended energy toward that shift was such that the good people among us did not even notice. Instead, they were urged on by lewd magazines and immoral people, who were pleased to see us regress to a state that is neither approved by Islam nor Christianity. Even the Magi, about whom we read in history books, did not reach such a state.

In fact, can we not even learn from animals? Any time two roosters seek a chicken, they fight over her, out of jealousy and in her defense. Muslim men, however, feel no such thing when others gawk at their wives on beaches. We are not even talking about the faces, hands and necks (which a Hijab should cover) of these women, but their whole bodies except their private parts, which are only what they consider obscene to reveal!

In so-called progressive clubs and cocktail parties, some Muslims even present Muslim women to non-related men; they then dance together in such proximity that their arms are around each other and their chests, torsos and mouths touch. At universities, Muslim girls who expose parts of their bodies, sit with young Muslim men, without a word of denunciation from their fathers and mothers. Such trends and more cannot be reformed overnight. But, we must return to the truth from whence we created a way to evil, even if the journey is protracted, for when there is no other option, even a long path is taken to reach the destination.

Let us begin contesting the intermingling of the sexes, for the Prophet, , said: "Any man who secludes himself with a non-related woman will definitely have Satan as their third." [Ahmad, At-Tirmithi, and Al-Haakim]

It was also narrated that he, , said: "Let none of you stay with a woman in seclusion except in the presence of a Mahram (male guardian)." [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The argument for intermingling is closely tied to the one that proposes a woman’s face can be uncovered if it is make-up-free and as Allah The Almighty created it. While that may be acceptable, although veiling it is more rewardable and preferable, intermixing is something else altogether. Uncovering her face does not mean a woman can freely mingle with men who are not related to her, receive her husband's friend in the house and greet him if she meets him on the train or in the street; neither does it permit her to shake hands with her male university colleagues, chat with them, take a walk with them or be study partners for an upcoming exam.

She must not overlook the fact that Allah The Almighty created her as a female and him as male, and put in each sex an innate inclination toward the other. Consequently, neither of them nor the human race can change the creation of Allah The Almighty, just by saying the two sexes are "equal" or trying to somehow remove the natural attraction to those of the other gender.

Such people who call toward so-called equality and intermixing of the two sexes, under the pretext of civilization and progress, are twofold liars. That is because their actual goal is to derive physical joy and satisfy their desires, by letting their eyes roam over girls to obtain pleasure. They dare not express this frankly and instead dress up their meaningless thoughts in bombastic words as progressiveness, civilization and college life; yet, nonsense cannot be disguised.

The only guidance and orders they follow are of the West and the only truth they recognize is that which is endorsed by it. According to them, truth is no longer the opposite of falsehood. Rather, it is what trickles down from Paris, London, Berlin and New York, whether it is dancing, lewdness, co-education, unveiling parts of the body that must be covered in athletics and nudity on beaches. On the other hand, falsehood, for them it seems, is whatever comes from the Muslim world, from the Al-Azhar, the Umayyad Mosque, and schools and mosques here, even if it may stem from virtue, guidance, chastity, or purity of the body and heart.

Since this is their case, it is apparent they are liars for another reason; that is, that even in Europe and America many families do not approve of intermixing of males and females, as we have read and heard from those who went there. In Paris please note, there are fathers and mothers who do not permit their mature daughters to walk with young men or go with them to the movie theater. In fact, even the films they let them watch are those they are certain are free from vulgarity and immorality, which is difficult, considering that has infiltrated all these absurdities marketed as cinematic arts by impudent firms, who are as ignorant of art as of religion. They claim that free mixing between the opposite sexes mitigates strong urges, refines morals and purifies the soul from sexual rage.

Let the response be given by those who have experimented with co-education. For instance, schools in Russia which does not refer to any religion or heed the words of a Shaykh or a priest, have rejected intermixing after experiencing corruption. Even in America high incidences of pregnant students remain a public health concern. Would we want that to also occur in our educational institutions, whether in Egypt Greater Syria or other Muslim countries?

My words are not directed to the young men, in whom I harbor no hope that they will listen. In fact, I know that they may oppose me and depreciate my words, for I deprive them of pleasures if they truly heed my advice.

Instead, my words are addressed to you, my believing, chaste and religious girls, for you are their victims. Do not let yourselves be a sacrifice in the slaughterhouse of the devil. Do not listen to those who aggrandize a life of intermingling in the name of freedom, civilization, liberalism and campus life. Most of these malicious advocates do not commit to their wives or have children. They only seek to fulfill temporary pleasures which they hope you might provide. I am a father of four girls; so when I defend you, I defend them. I seek for you the good which I seek for them.

Remember that none of the nonsense those people call for, restores the lost chastity of a girl, her ravished honor or her violated dignity. If she falls, none of them will help her. And, as long as she is beautiful, they will jostle to reach her, but when her youth fades, they abandon her, acting no different than dogs that leave a carrion which is stripped of flesh.

This is my advice to you, my daughter, and this is the truth. Do not listen to the wicked. The key of reform is in your hands, not men. It is through your determination and intention, that, after self-reform, you will consequently rectify the whole Ummah. May the peace and mercy of Allah The Almighty be upon you.