Your Husband Does Not Share Responsibilities with You - Are You the Cause?

02/04/2009| IslamWeb

Have you ever thought of compelling your husband to play his role as a father and fulfill his duty towards his children? Have you ever suffered from his negligence towards them? Have you ever tried to make him share the responsibility with you and make him the first one to know about your concerns? Hanaan Zayn, director of As-Sa‘aadah Center for Marital Consultation, helps women make an ideal father of their husband. Here are some of her simple methods through which you can make your husband love his parental role and encourage him to continue with it.

-      “The husband should be the first one to know”. You should adhere to this saying so that he knows everything concerning his child and what is going on in the house.

-      Be patient with your husband; the responsibility of the children is not easy so do not mock him if he makes a mistake. Rather, let the situation pass as a joke.

-      Ask yourself and answer frankly: do you feel that the child belongs to both of you or do you feel that he is yours alone?

-      Perhaps the father plays his role in a different way that he thinks is suitable. You should accept his way without complaint or criticism. You should not show your excessive care about your children because this does not give the father a chance to participate.

-      Be keen on developing your love for your husband and give him a chance to feel this. These two things greatly effect the development of his role as a father.

-      Also, be keen on developing the children’s relationship with their father, and this should be done through:

1.     Using the words and expressions which inculcate in them esteem and love for their father which would make them feel like kissing his hand when he comes home and before they go to bed. Also, by using words that express their respect and love for their father.

2.     Playing games with your husband and children. Playing together creates an atmosphere of mutual closeness and pleasure.

3.     Going out for a short period and leaving the child with his father alone makes the father gain confidence in his ability to shoulder the responsibility of raising his child.

-      Try to make your husband always feel that the child belongs to both of you by making him share some of the child’s responsibilities with you. This could be done with things like choosing a suitable school, paying the tuition fees, helping to study some subjects with him or going to the doctor with him. If you can not do this because of his conditions or because he refuses, you should at least tell him about everything that happens and ask him for his opinion.

-      When you feel exhausted because of your responsibilities as a mother, do not express this in an emotional and irritated way so that you do not thereby stir up your husband’s obstinacy. Rather, you should ask him to help you by using good words which make him feel that you need his help.

-      Parents must talk about the upbringing of the child and draw up a plan that requires the participation of both parents, and this will result in creating a happy and secure familial atmosphere for the child. Therefore, you should be keen on using this approach with your husband and frequently mention the children’s good situations, actions, and words.

-      When he enters the home, do not hasten to tell him about your child’s problems for two reasons: the first is to wait until he is ready to talk and discuss things with you. The second reason is not to stir his enmity towards his child. You should leave him until he is able to discuss the problem and then together you can search for a solution. Do not hasten to mention the solution so that you make him feel the value of his opinion.

-      Beware of forgetting caring for your husband because of your care for your children so that their relation does not turn into one of jealousy.

-      You should always show your husband your appreciation of his great role. Be thankful to him for everything that he does for you and your family. You should express this explicitly and repeat it in front of your children so they will do the same thing.

-      Give your husband a chance to spend some time outside the house with his friends or in doing some of his hobbies so that he can continue to perform his role efficiently.

 

Do not forget to live with your husband for a while as husband and wife and as two lovers - away from the character of the father and mother. These occasions would surely help you to perform your roles perfectly.