Mutual Conjugal Rights and the Prophet’s Recommendations - I

29/03/2010| IslamWeb

We understand the woman's status in the family through knowing the similar and mutual rights of both spouses. Indeed, she has an exalted position that is secured by the marriage contract which Allah the Exalted referred to, in the verse where He Says (what means): {And they have taken from you a solemn covenant} [Quran 4:21]

Preface

Spouses have similar rights, as has been observed, in many general and some detailed Sharee'ah texts. It is important to note that the passages which equally instruct safeguarding the rights of both spouses have greater bearing, even though they are general, as they encompass detailed texts as well. Thus, one should not neglect them, for if we carefully examine and fully understand them and not simply view the specific statements in this regard, as if they alone represent Sharee'ah, we will find that they guide us to many rights that are not even mentioned in the detailed texts.

 

However, when there are many detailed verses and Hadeeth concerning a particular topic, it reflects an underlying reason. For instance, the abundance of in-depth passages that refer to a woman’s obedience to her husband, we believe, is due to a certain trend pervading the society of Madeenah at the time. In the words of ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattaab, may Allah be pleased with him, the Ansaar (supporters of the Prophet, , among the locals of Madeenah) were "people dominated by their women". Hence, the Prophet, , would persistently urge women to be dutiful to their husbands.

 

Similar rights

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them. And Allah is Exalted in Might and Wise.} [Quran 2:228]

This noble verse confirms the fact that women indeed have rights over their husbands which are no different than their spouses’ over them. This means that each of a woman’s rights corresponds to a right of a man; consequently, their rights are mutual. The extent of this similarity will be further clarified when discussing every right separately.

The scholar At-Tabari mentioned the following various interpretations of the aforementioned verse in his Tafseer :

-         According to some scholars: "The wives have the right to enjoy the good company of their husbands just as they have the right of their obedience to them in what Allah The Almighty has made obligatory on them."  

-         Adh-Dhahhaak stated, "When the wife obeys Allah The Almighty and then her husband, he is required to live with her in kindness, abstain from harming her and provide for her from his wealth."

-         Ibn Zayd said, "The husbands are required to fear Allah The Almighty when dealing with their wives, just as the latter are required to fear Him when dealing with the former."

-         Other scholars said, "The husbands are required to be easygoing with and pleasant to their wives just as they are required to be so." Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, used to say: "I like to adorn myself for my wife just as I like her to adorn herself for me, as Allah The Almighty Says (what means):{And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.}" [Quran 2:228]

The scholar At-Tabari derived the following summarized statement from these comments: "Each of them is equally required to abstain from afflicting the other with harm." Then he added, "It is possible that the verse includes every right that each of them has over the other. Therefore, both of them have to fulfill every one of the other's rights. Hence, this summarizes what was said by Adh-Dhahhaak Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, and the others."

In his commentary on this verse, Imaam Muhammad ‘Abduh said:

This is a very impressive and concise verse that incorporates great meanings, elaborating all of which would require a thick book. It contains a general rule implying that both men and women are equal in all rights, except in one aspect, to which Allah the Exalted referred to toward the end of the same verse where He Says (what means): {But the men have a degree over them.} To know each one’s specific rights and duties, Allah The Almighty referred them to the Divine laws, religious beliefs, basic etiquette and their customs and traditions in dealing with wives.”This verse works as a yardstick a husband should use to measure the manner in which he treats his wife at all times. Therefore, whenever he wants to ask her to do something for him, he should remember that he is required to reciprocate. Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: "I like to adorn myself for my wife just as I like her to beautify herself for me, because of [what I understand from] this verse [that has been mentioned above]." However, similar rights do not mean identical ones; rather, it implies that the rights are equitable and mutual. When a woman does something for her husband, he is required to do something similar in return, not necessarily the same. In both rights and deeds, the spouses are similar; they are also the same with respect to spirit, emotion and reason, in the sense that each of them is a whole human being with a mind to think about his or her interests and a heart that loves what is suitable for and pleases it, and hates [the opposite]. Hence, it is not fair for one of them to control the other, treating him or her as a slave to be humiliated and exploited for his or her own welfare, particularly after concluding a marriage contract to start a life together, which can never be blissful unless each partner respects the other and fulfills his or her rights.

As for the part of the verse where Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {But the men have a degree over them.}, At-Tabari cited more than one explanation:

-         Some scholars said, "This degree refers to the preference of Allah The Almighty for men in the areas of inheritance and Jihaad."

-         Other scholars opined, "This level denotes the upper hand that men have over women who owe them obedience."

-         Others have interpreted it to mean what "the husband has over his wife [in terms of] his beneficence towards her, fulfilling the rights that she has over him, and forgiving her in all the rights, or some of them, that he has over her." It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with them, remarked: "I do not like to ask [my wife] to fulfill all the rights that I have over her, since Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {But the men have a degree over them.}”

At-Tabari then said, "The most accurate interpretation of the verse is that of Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him. The “degree” refers to the initiative of absolving the wife of some of the rights her husband has over her and in ensuring that he himself fulfills all the rights she has over him, because Allah The Almighty Said (what means): {But the men have a degree over them...} after He Says (what means): {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.}"

He further expounded: "Allah The Almighty advised men to forgive their wives if they fall short in fulfilling all the rights that He has made obligatory on them. Although the mode of expression in the verse is a statement, it is in reality a recommendation from Allah The Almighty, Who urges husbands to be compassionate and forgiving of their wives’ shortcoming."  

Mahmood Muhammad Shaakir who authenticated the book of Tafseer At-Tabari, commented, "Abu Ja‘far At-Tabari did not write this merely to admonish people, but rather, he reached a compelling statement with proof that he extracted from the context of the [aforementioned] consecutive verses. Indeed, they indicate the rights of the husband and the wife to be equal, followed by a counsel to men to adhere to one of the marks of true manhood. Surely, a man cannot attain the nobility of this virtue unless he has great determination and sublimity, so that he forgoes some of his rights over his wife. Only when he does this, does it mean that he has reached a level in morals making him worthy of being favored with a degree over his wife. For the sake of keeping the meanings of the eloquent Book coherent, Abu Ja‘far considered this sentence to be an encouragement and recommendation for men to achieve this sublime honor, not a statement that refers to some advantage that Allah has granted men, irrespective of their obedience or disobedience to Him concerning His commandments.”

Mutual Conjugal Rights and the Prophet’s Recommendations - II