Her father refused her choice of husband and expelled her from his house
2-8-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
salam alkum, i am a 19year old girl living in canada, and you can imagine the kind of enviornment i am living.A man came and proposed to me through my dad,he was refused twice, one day i accidently meet him in a mall and for the lack of knowledge i have in islam i talked to the man and we sat together in public for 15min where he was explainig to me that he wants me the right islamic way and that he has already asked for my hand and though he was refused twice he still wants me and is holding on to me and he told me there is no need to play around because he is serious about all of this,though we have kept in touch by email acouple of times. sadly my father kept on refusing him.because i knew he was holding on to me,i could not help but hold on to this man and fall in love with him.as days past my family found out about our 15min accidental meeting and the few emails that we shared.the reaction of my family put me in a state where i could only see two solutions commit suicide or leave home,so i left home for 30 days,i stayed at a place funded by the government but is only for women,every worker and every person in that builiding were females,at the end of the 30 days i was convinced by my sister and her husbend to go back home.and i do admit i have done a mistake by leaving home,when i went back i still wanted that man at the same time i wanted my family.but my father made me choose between the man and the family,i choose the man,in the same day i got engaged to this man and my dad asked me to leave the house because my mom could not handle me being at home and that if my sister agrees to let me stay at her place good for me,if not,then i should find my self another place to stay.now i am forced to live with my sister for the meantime until the wedding. islamicly speaking is my father's action of kicking me out of the house right or wrong in islam? knowing my dad if islam says this is wrong he will not do it, i appreciate your time and concern , salam alkum
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
Your father made a mistake when he expelled you from the house, since this action may lead a girl to fall into the snares of human wolves and she may be lost. Of course, this entails obvious danger.
Also, he totally absolved himself of the responsibility that Allaah The Almighty laid on his shoulder and neglected those whom Allaah put under his guardianship. So, he should beware of meeting Allaah while he is negligent.
On the other hand, you made a mistake when you sat with that man and exchanged emails with him. So, you have to repent to Allaah of this. Nevertheless, your mistake is by no means a justification for your father to kick you out and desert you. He should fear Allaah The Almighty and bring you back home before he dies while neglecting the rights of those whom Allaah entrusted him with.
As for the marriage, we previously stated that it is not permissible for a guardian to prevent his daughter (or any woman who is under his guardianship) from marrying a suitable and competent man. For further information, see Fatwa 92340.
Thus, if that young man was one of the most ideal suitors for you in terms of religion and moral conduct, try to convince your father to accept him as your husband. You may seek the help of people who may influence him; perhaps your father will accept the suitor, so you would attain goodness in this life and in the Hereafter. If your father persists in refusal, you, in principle, must obey him as was previously clarified in the Fatwa we referred you to. If you fear that you will be tempted by not marrying that man, you are permitted to marry him even against your father's will. Afterwards, try your best to please him.
Moreover, you should know that there are certain conditions that must be met in order to make marriage valid. The most important of which are the consent of the guardian and the presence of the witnesses as we previously clarified in Fatwa 83629.
Finally, let your father and mother see this Fatwa. However, if your father declined to marry you off, you should take your case to one of the Islamic centres to marry you off.