Wants to choose between his wife and his girlfriend
5-11-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
My parents got me engaged when I was 15years old. I lived in the USA and the girl was in pakistan. I was so young I didnt know anything about engagement and marriage. As I got older I finally realized what had happend and I didnt want to be engaged to this girl. I never talked to this girl and only saw her 1 time when i went to pakistan when I was 18years old. I didnt want to marry her because I didnt even know her. I just got engaged to her because of my parents. I never really told my parents how I felt because I was too shy to talk about that stuff, and I always thought "oh im still young and I wont get married till im 28years old or something"..When I turned 20 I met a girl that I fell in love with at my job and we started dating and basically started living with each other. Than when I turned 22 my parents set up a date for my marriage to the girl in pakistan. I kept telling my mom that i dont want to marry that girl in pakistan but she refused to listen to me and told me that she wants me to get married to her because the girl waited 6 years for me. I was soo deep in love with my girlfriend in the USA that i didnt know what to do, but still my parents pressured me into getting married to the girl in pakistan, and I did. But a month after i got married in pakistan i came back to the USA and got bak with my girlfriend and I never talked to my wife again and its been a year now. I tried to break up with my girlfriend but then i get soo depressed that i dont feel like doing anything or eating. Now, I wanted to get a divorce from the girl in pakistan and get married to the girl that I love and feel happy with. My parents do not have a problem with the girl I love and they told me I can marry both. But my girlfriend says she will leave me if i dont get a divorce, and I only want to be married to my girlfriend not the girl in pakistan. What should I do? Is it wrong for me to give the girl in pakistan a divorce?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we will start by talking about this relationship between you and this non-Mahram girl. It is strange that you do not feel that your relationship with her is a forbidden act and that you are committing a grave major sin. You did not express any regrets about it. Therefore, you are obliged to repent to Allaah and stop this relationship with her because it is not permissible for a Muslim man to have an affectionate relationship with a non-Mahram woman as we clarified in Fatwa 81356. For more benefit on the conditions of sincere repentance, please refer to Fataawa 86527 and 87903. As regards marrying that girl, then we will elaborate on it later.
With regard to the concluded marriage with the girl in Pakistan, then your parents should not have obliged you to marry her while you do not like her. However, since you had married her and now she is your wife, then you are obliged to fulfill her rights, among which is that you are not permitted to be absent from her more than 6 months except with her permission. You are also obliged to spend on her and you should contact her and ask about her. For more benefit on the rights of the spouses towards each other, please refer to Fataawa 83157 and 85308. If she is a pious and righteous wife, you should not divorce her as Allaah may make much good in her for you.
Moreover, we advise you not to depend on affection on the matter of marrying that girl whom you love. Achieving happiness with her may just be an illusion and this may soon be apparent to you after she becomes your wife. In addition to this, if she has no religion that would deter her from committing sins, then she may transgress your honour and dignity. Since, she established a forbidden relationship with you; she may well establish another forbidden relationship with another man after you marry her. So, do not marry her if she does not repent and show that her conduct is pleasing. For more benefit on love sickness, please refer to Fatwa 84544.
Nonetheless, if she repents, you may marry her as a second wife as already advised by your father if you are able to be just between her and your first wife; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 86903.
In any case, you are not sinful if you divorce your wife; divorce is permissible but it is disliked if it is without a necessity. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa divorced their wives">104995.