Discussing an argument about husbands disciplining their wives
7-12-2009 | IslamWeb
Question:
aoa,a lot of non-muslims debate on status of women in islam. especially about the permission given to husbands to hit their wives. as it is given in ayat 34 of surat nisa. the general condition most scholars set for 'hitting wives' is their being rebellious or being disobedient. some say that u have to hit some women to bring them to their senses. some say that disobedience are extreme cases of disobedience, but the case is not highlighted in ahadees.those who wish to hit their wives so ultimately hit their wives for minor or major case.what i personally extracted from the ayat 34 of sura nisa was that Allah has given men permission to hit their wives only in the case when they do not guard what Allah has asked them to guard in the men's absence. as it is said in the ayat that pious women guard what Allah has asked them to guard but if you have a fear of their being rebellious then hit them. what Allah has asked them to guard is their chastity or husband's property. but to take the second part of ayat i.e their being rebellious - as general, does not satisfy me. another hadees quoted in this regard is hadees of sahih muslim "you have rights over your women that they do not allow anyone you dislike into your home. if they disobey you, you may spank them" again the word 'disobedience' is taken general here. i feel disobedience here is about 'their letting someone into the house whom husband do not like'. kindly help me in this regard.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
We will answer your question in the following points:
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Debating with the polytheists about the Islamic rulings has no end, and in general their objective is to make the Muslims doubt their religion; such a thing happened from the early times as they debated about the issue of the prohibition of the dead meat and they said we will eat from what we killed (i.e. the animals slaughtered according to Sharee’ah) and we will not eat from what Allaah had killed (i.e. the dead animals), and then Allaah revealed (what means): {And do not eat of that upon which the name of Allaah has not been mentioned, for indeed, it is a grave disobedience. And certainly, the devils do inspire their friends (from mankind) to dispute with you, and if you obey them (by making a dead animal legal by eating it), then you would indeed be polytheists because they -devils and their friends- made lawful to you to eat that which Allaah has made unlawful to eat and you obeyed them by considering it lawful to eat, and by doing so you worshipped them, and to worship others besides Allaah is polytheism).}[Quran 6:121] Therefore, what is important for us is that a Muslim should be certain about his religion and he should not listen to their misconceptions raised by the non-Muslims. So, if it is possible to convince them with the texts of the Sharee’ah, then this is good, otherwise, a messenger’s duty is only to convey (his message).
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The best thing that the polytheists should be attracted to when they debate with the Muslims is the issue of faith and belief, because if they were to believe that Allaah is their Lord, and that Islam is the true religion, and that Muhammad is a Messenger and Prophet, then this will lead them to submit themselves to Allaah and be pleased with His Rulings.
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What you understood about the verse and the Hadeeth that the meaning of disobedience is limited to the wife not protecting her chastity and her husband’s property is not a correct understanding and this contradicts what the jurists
said, as they clarified that rebellion and disobedience is general about the wife being disobedient to her husband in all aspects of marital life in which she is obliged to obey him. Ibn Qudaamah 
said: “The meaning of wife’s rebellion is her being disobedient to her husband in regard to his right on her by virtue of marriage. When she refuses to answer his call to bed, or goes out of his home without his permission, or that she refuses to move with him to a residence suitable for a women of the same social status like her, or refuses to travel with him, then she is not entitled to any maintenance or housing according to the view of majority of the scholars . The same meaning is also reported by Al-Jassaas in his book “Ah-Kaam al-Quran: rulings of the Quran” from Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Attaa’, and As-Suddy that they said that it meant to disobey the husband in things that she is religiously obliged to obey.”
As regards the Hadeeth which you mentioned, it refers only to one thing among the things that a wife is obliged to do (towards her husband), and this thing is mentioned for its importance and this does not mean that she is not obliged to do other things, the statements of the jurists that we mentioned implies the general meaning.
5- Concluding that the conditions of disciplining the wife are not highlighted in the Ahaadeeth, in a way that the husbands beat their wives for major reasons and sometimes for minor reasons, then this is not a correct deduction, neither in its methodology nor in its content. Because it is not fair to deprive the infallible texts from their meaning and deduct the rulings from the practices of people.
6- Saying that you are not convinced by what the scholars interpreted the verse and that you put in priority what you yourself understand from it, then this statement indicates a great deal of rashness. This is because understanding the Book of Allaah, interpreting it, and deducting the rulings from it needs competence and many conditions that are lacking in most people. It is feared that whoever follows this attitude is following other than the way of the believers.
This is just a brief answer to your question and we ask Allaah to guide us and you to His Straight path.
Allaah Knows best.