She went for Hajj while her father does not talk to her
10-11-2010 | IslamWeb
Question:
As-salam `alaykum wa rahmat ALLAH What advice can be given to a sister asking this: "ASSALAMU ALEIKUM, I AM LEAVING FOR HAJJ THIS YEAR INSHALLAH AND MY FATHER DOESN'T TALK TO ME. I SMSED HIM ON HIS BIRTHDAY TRIED TO CALL BUT HE SIMPLY WON'T ANSWER.HE IS ACTUALLY NOT TALKING TO ANYONE IN THE FAMILY. THE SITUATION IS THE FOLLOWING: HE IS A ALCOHOLIC AND WE (ME AND MY TWO SIBLINGS) ARE TRYING FOR LONG TO HELP HIM TO LEAVE THIS HABIT, WHICH HE DOESN'T WANT, HE ALWAYS TELLS US THAT HE LOVES WHAT HE IS DOING AND THAT WE MUST LEAVE HIM TO LIVE HIS LIFE. MY MOTHER IS OLD NOW AND WE CAN'T SEE HER SUFFERING LIKE THIS ANYMORE AND IT IS AFFECTING OUR LIVES ALSO BECAUSE WE ARE ASHAMED OF THIS AND OUR SPOUSES DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT. DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO????HE IS NOT TALKING BECAUSE WE TOLD HIM THAT IF WANTS TO CARRY ON LIKE THIS WE WILL FIND HIM ANOTHER PLACE TO STAY OR HE MUST LEAVE...WE WERE TRYING TO SCARE HIM BUT, IT SEEMS LIKE HE REALLY DOESN'T CARE ANYMORE. HE IS MY FATHER AND I LOVE HIM A LOT BUT I CANNOT SIT BACK AND SEE MY MOTHER SUFFER LIKE THIS ANYMORE BECAUSE HE IS SELFISH. I AM LEAVING NEXT WEEK AND I CALLED MY MOM TO COME TO MY TOWN AND STAY WITH MY KIDS SO SHE CAN HAVE A BIT OF A BREAK FROM THE SITUATION. I WILL PHONE HIM BEFORE I LEAVE BUT PLEASE JUST HELP ME MAKE SENSE OF THIS SITUATION CAUSE I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO...HOW MUCH DO WE HAVE TO LIE TO PROTECT THE DIGNITY OF MY FATHER IN FRONT OF OUR FAMILIES, HOW CAN WE SEE OUR MOTHER LIKE THAT AND DO NOTHING, DO WE HAVE TO ACCEPT EVERYTHING TILL THIS EXTENT?" Jazakum ALLAH khair A soon reply would be appreciated
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
The status given to the father by the Sharee’ah is a status which made it incumbent on the children to be kind and dutiful to him, and this right is confirmed (in Sharee'ah) no matter how evil he is. Among the best ways for the children to be kind to him is to endeavor to be a reason for guiding him and making him repent from drinking the mother of all evils [alcohol].
Hence, we first advise you to supplicate for him as much as possible as guidance is in the Hands of Allaah; Allaah Says (what means): {So whoever Allaah wants to guide - He expands his breast to [contain] Islam.} [Quran 6:125] We also advise you to continue advising him and not leave him on this state, and you should seek the best time to advise him while doing so in a soft and gentle manner.
Indeed, what you mentioned in the question about threatening your father to drive him out of the house is not permissible and it is a kind of severing ties with him and you are obligated to repent from this. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 125851 and 88399.
On the other hand, the daughters are not obligated to inform their husbands or children about their father’s situation, and if any of the daughters is asked about that, she may not respond at all, and if she responds, she should not lie but she may use Tawriyah (saying something which has more than one meaning and intending a meaning different from what the listener is likely to understand) as by doing so one may avoid plain lying as we clarified in Fataawa 88412 and 84728.
As regards the mother, she may be patient with her husband and ask Allaah to guide him because the dissoluteness of the husband and him harming his wife allows her to ask for divorce if she so wishes. So, if she wants to separate from him, then, in this case, it is permissible for her daughters to help her in removing the harm off her.
Finally, it should be noted that if you want to go for Hajj, you are not obligated to seek the permission of your father. So, you are permitted to travel without his permission especially if this is your obligatory Hajj [if you are performing Hajj for the first time in your life after reaching puberty].
Allaah Knows best.