Her father gives her study precedence over her getting married
23-10-2011 | IslamWeb
Question:
Salam 3alikum. Dear Scholars, I'm 24 yrs old and I'm a student in college in the USA. I always feel so much pressure in my head cuz of all the school work and family problems. I feel like im such a disappointment to my family even though they highly respect me and love me very much. After I finished high school, I didn’t go to school for 4 yrs. I was feeling extremely depressed and hated my life so much. I felt like I was worthless. then, I decided to go to college thinking that maybe things will change to the better.I figured that my mental health will get better and maybe I’ll find happiness. it's my first year of college and I feel like things in my life are falling apart.I'M falling apart!. I feel lost and depressed most of the time. I hate myself so much and I have no faith in myself whatsoever. I’m majoring in business and 2 weeks ago my dad told me to change my major to medicine. He sees my good grades that I have so far and wants me to go to medical school. I don’t see myself able to do it and at the same time I don’t want to disappoint him. My dad values education to the point where he refuses anyone who asks for my hand in marriage. He doesn’t bother to ask about the person or anything. He just refuses because he wants me to go to school. He doesn’t want me to get married and that’s fine with me, but its the reason why he doesn’t want me to get married that I find so unfair and wrong. He just keeps me so I can go to school and be something he can be proud of. I don’t know if I’m the wrong one for not understanding him, but I just feel a lot of pressure and I’m not strong enough to handle all of this pressure. I don’t want to spend my whole life in school. He told me that its ok if it takes me 15 yrs to be a doctor and that he'll pay for my education. I don't feel comfortable for him to pay for my education with ill-gotten (selling haram products like liquor) money. I cant eat, sleep, or feel happy. I don’t know what to do.im dying inside PLZ HELP!
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve your distress, make a way for you to get out from your difficulty and comfort your eyes.
Dear sister, first we advise you to supplicate Allaah earnestly as He answers the supplication of a person in distress and He is the One Who relieves sorrow. Allaah Says (what means): {Is He [not best] who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil.}[Quran 27:62]
Also, you should mention Allaah as much as possible as by mentioning Him, the hearts get comforted. Besides, you should keep company with pious women so that they would help you and give you advice.
It is good that you are keen on being kind and dutiful to your father and endeavor to please him; this is indeed a good trait in you. Hence, we advise you to try to convince your father that you do not wish to study medicine and that you want to get married. You should clarify to him that the older you get, the lesser your chances of getting a marriage proposal will be.
Indeed, marriage is a righteous act for which a person should hasten to; rather, marriage can be an obligation for whoever fears to be tempted to commit illicit sexual acts as we clarified in Fataawa 87295 and 84026.
In fact, you live in a country where the reasons of temptation are widespread. Hence, your guardian [who is your father] is himself required to endeavor to marry you off to the suitable and competent man who asks your hand.
In any case, you should try to convince him and you may seek the help of your relatives or others whom you think may influence him. If he is convinced, then praise be to Allaah, otherwise you are not obliged to obey him in matters that cause you harm. For more benefit on the conditions of obeying the parents, please refer to Fatwa 84942.
In case a suitable and competent man proposes to marry you and your father refuses to marry you off to him, then you may take your case to one of the Islamic centers in your country.
As regards your father's spending on you from ill-gotten money, then if his entire money is unlawful, you are not permitted to benefit from it except for necessity. Studies are not a necessity that makes this permissible. In case his money is a mixture of lawful and unlawful money, then it is not forbidden to benefit from it but it is disliked.
For more benefit on the necessity which makes what is forbidden permissible, please refer to Fatwa 133818, and for more details on consuming ill-gotten money, please refer to Fatwa 87211.
Allaah Knows best.