How to deal with short-tempered husband and how the children have to act
30-1-2012 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalaamu Alaikum My mother has been married to my father for 20 years and during these years, my father hardly took up a job. He wants to do business and had tried so many times and has failed for some reason. My mother has brought me and my younger brother up. My father never took responsibility of finances or education of his family upon himself. He also get very agressive with my mother and keeps cursing her mother for every small mistake that anyone in our family commits. My mother has taken this for 20 years and now, she is tired and doesn't know what to do. She tries to be a good muslim and wife and she tries to have patience. My father is also very agressive with my brother and me, and he even hit us many times, even for no apparent reason. He yells at my brother, who is 12 and he threatens him and my brother feels very hurt and he is innocent. He feels scared to do anything because no matter what he does, my father beats him or yells at him. My father is short-tempered and has threatened us many times. I no longer feel safe in my house and my mother is on the verge of breaking down. She is also considering divorce. My father prays salat and fasts but he is very short-tempered and behaves very badly with his family. Please advice. Jazak Allah Khair
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
If your father is as you have mentioned in the question, then he is definitely in the wrong. Even so, one of the means of being kind and dutiful to him is to advise him in a soft and gentle manner hoping that Allaah The Almighty will rectify him.
First of all, you should seek the help of Allaah The Almighty and then the help of whomever you think may influence him, like your relatives or any other person. For more benefit on how to advise a father who gets angry very easily, please refer to Fatwa 23587.
Also, we advise you and your brothers to be patient with him and not misbehave towards him, because if you do so, your action will be considered as severing ties with him. Indeed, it is not permissible for a child to mistreat his father even if the latter mistreats him.
Among the means of being kind and dutiful to the mother is to be nice to her, stand by her side, and remind her to be patient; for more benefit on the excellence of patience, please refer to Fataawa 85445 and 83577.
Besides, you should cooperate with your mother in any way that could be a reason for rectifying your father. However, if she is harmed by staying with him, then she has the right to ask him for divorce. Nevertheless, if she can be patient, then she should do so and this is better because divorce may not always be the best solution.
For more benefit on the stand of the children towards their disputing parents, please refer to Fatwa 97282.
Finally, it should be noted that the father is obliged to bear the expenses of his wife and his children and this is an Islamic principle. Thus, if the father is negligent in this regard, then he is sinful and this is forbidden. The Prophet said: “It is enough of a sin for a person not to provide means of sustenance to those whom he is obliged to support.” [Ahmad and Muslim]
Allaah Knows best.