Not sleeping with husband because of anger
19-5-2014 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalamu alikom My husband is a very kind and compassionate man. He always tries his best to be good to me and care for my feelings. Sometumes however, like in all relationships we can have some misunderstandings which most often leads to me getting worked up a lot. I got a bit of a temper. I was then wondering if it is halal for me to lock myself inside a room in our house just to be left alone and cool down. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder so I am quiet sensitive and I can easily fall into despair or depression. is okay for me to leave the bed at nigh and sleep in a different room if I feel like I got emotiobally hurt or upset with my husband? I know he wishes that I would stay but sometimes I just havr a beed to leave or express gow I feel that way? May Allah swt forgive me if what I do is wrong.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and messenger.
Married life is never free from such drawbacks, for all human beings are liable to err, and no one is free from error. The family of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was not an exception. ‘Aa’ishah 
reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to her: "I can well discern when you are pleased with me and when you are annoyed with me." She inquired, "How do you discern it?" Thereupon, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: "When you are pleased with me you say;" No, by the Lord of Muhammad," and when you are annoyed with me, you say," No, by the Lord of Ibraaheem." She said, "O Messenger of Allaah! By Allaah, I only leave your name (when I am annoyed with you).” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
At any rate, marital problems are common in all families. Spouses should redress them wisely and reasonably and they should not allow the devil to come between them and sow the seeds of discord and cause unfavorable consequences. Hence, you should strive not to abandon the bed of your husband for any reason and calm yourself down by means of reciting Thikr (remembrance of Allaah). Verily, the remembrance of Allaah causes the heart to relish serenity and calmness. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured."}[Quran 13:28]
If your husband wants you to stay with him in the same room or calls you to his bed, you are obliged to obey him. It is incumbent on the wife to obey her husband in what does not constitute disobedience to Allaah, especially in matters related to the provisions of the marriage contract. In fact, anger and nervous strain are not valid excuses for disobeying your husband (when he calls you to his bed). Please, refer to Fataawa 138419 and 88547.
The same applies to the illness to which you referred in your question; it does not constitute a legitimate excuse for disobeying your husband in this regard unless staying with your husband in the same room or bed incurs considerable harm on you. Ibn ‘Abbaas 
reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “There should be neither harm nor reciprocating harm.” [Ahmad]
In any case, your husband should thoughtfully take your psychological state into account and have consideration for your excuses; this is a manifestation of the kindness and affection that spouses should have for each other.
Allaah Knows best.