Patience is recommended in the face of verbal abuse from relatives

15-10-2014 | IslamWeb

Question:

Asalam Alaykum My brother and I are on very bad terms. He is being very judgemental and constantly insists on hurting my feelings by sterotyping me. For example he says you are like so and so (negative things). Then he claims that he is saying that for my own good. Also my mother always sides with him. Now it is also ruining my relationship with her. It is getting quite horrible with both as I have a short temper and I can't tolerate these fights anymore. Please provide some help for this.

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Answer:

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

If the case is as you describe in the question and your brother verbally harms you by likening you to bad people, for instance, then there is no doubt that this is a serious offense. In fact, this invites Satan to sow seeds of discord between you, especially as you are family and Islam commands upholding the ties of kinship and forbids severing them. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And tell My servants to say that which is best. Indeed, Satan induces (dissension) among them. Indeed Satan is ever, to mankind, a clear enemy.} [Quran 17:53]

It is strange that he claims that this is for your own good and it is also strange that your mother sides with him.

We advise you to adhere to patience, endure their attitudes, and kindly give them advice, and at the same time to supplicate Allaah, The Exalted, to bless them with guidance to the straight path. Please refer to Fataawa 82547 and 83096.

On the other hand, you should know that it is incumbent on you to be dutiful to your mother and treat her kindly even if she offends you. You are obliged to be dutiful to your mother and to beware of anger; verily, anger brings about many evils. If you mistreat or wrong your mother even by saying the mildest word of disrespect - "uff" - or even by frowning in her face, you are considered undutiful towards her and this is a grave sin that incurs the wrath of Allaah, The All-Knowing of the Unseen. Please refer to Fataawa 87019 and 82254.

For more benefit, kindly refer to Fataawa 84351 and 86681. 

Allaah Knows best.