Suffering from the husband and his parents
26-2-2016 | IslamWeb
Question:
Assalaamu alaykum. I have a very rough marriage. My husband is part of Jamaa'at At-Tabligh, and I am strictly against this group. He was not a part of this group before marriage, and my parents and I were guaranteed this. He has become an active member of this group and it has caused him to degrade me. When I asked why I was falsely told about his activities with the group, his mother told me that they never guranteed that he would never be in that group in the future. His parents and him mentally torture me. My in-laws live with us and give my husband and me no privacy. My husband allows it to the extent that I am not allowed to lock the door during intercourse (his mother opened the door during one such time and proceeded to stare until my husband left the room with her). My mother-in-law yells at me when my husband is gone and acts like she loves me and tolerates my bad attitude when he is home. I have told my husband about this issue, but he does not trust me and has accused me of slandering, lying and falsely accusing his parents. I have made it clear that I cannot live with her in the house, but he will not listen. I have had several dreams of my mother-in-law in which I saw her as a snake trying to kill me. My husband has gone for 40 days with the group and I am serving them the way my husband should, but they are still unhappy with me. My son and daughter miss their father, but he avoids even talking to them. He regularly calls his parents, twice a day, but I receive one call every 2-3 days and a few text messages here and there. He does not satisfy me physically and only comes to me when he desires it, leaving me in pain for days. I have become depressed and have attempted suicide once. I wish for a divorce, but my parents did not allow it. I have contemplated many haram things, but, praise be to Allaah, I have held back every time. I am in this marriage only for my children's well being. I have lost hope of having a good marriage. What can I do to bring some mental peace in my life so that my children would not be affected?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
First of all, we ask Allaah to relieve you from your distress and worry and make a way out from your difficulty. We recommend that you supplicate as much as possible, especially with the supplications for being relieved from sorrow and distress.
We also advise you to mention Allaah as much as possible, as Allaah says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured.} [Quran 13:28]
You have no right to object to your husband for him following this group as this is a matter that concerns him, but you have the right to ask him to fulfill your rights, which he is obliged to fulfill for you, among which is to provide you with a separate house because you are not obliged to live with any of his relatives, including his parents. Please refer to fatwa 84608 in this regard.
Also, it is your right that he has intimate relations with you as he is obliged to do so according to his ability and your need. Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah 
said, “The husband should have intercourse with his wife to an extent to suffice her as long as this does not cause him any physical harm and as long as this does not preoccupy him from earning a living…”
It is from maintaining good marital relations that a husband satisfies the physical desires of his wife and endeavors to keep her chaste. So fear Allaah and be patient until Allaah facilitates the matter for you and relieves you from your distress. For benefit about the virtue of patience, please refer to fatwa 83577.
Your husband is not considered negligent about your right or the right of his children by what you mentioned regarding leaving you for this period of time. Indeed, the jurists stated that a husband may be absent from his wife for six months or less without her permission, but he is not permitted to be absent from her more than six months except with her permission, as ruled by ‘Umar Ibn al-Khattaab 
.
If your husband phones you every day, as he does with his parents, then this is good, but since he calls you every two or three days, then this is also good, and it is better than him not calling at all. So you should not worry about this.
Also, you are not Islamically obliged to serve his parents, but volunteering to do so is a good act; the good outcome of which you will find in this worldly life and in the Hereafter. Please, refer to fatwa 84909.
Therefore, the matter is easy, and it does not intensify to the degree of thinking of suicide, let alone taking the initiative to really committing it. You should not care about missing all the pleasures of this world if you preserve your religion and meet your Lord while doing good deeds, which will give purpose to your life, and the outcome would be permanent bliss and eternal happiness. Is this better or unhappiness and punishment in Hell by committing suicide, which would be a bad end to your life?
For information about the gravity of suicide, please refer to fatwa 22853.
If you are in despair and your marriage has become impossible to tolerate, then divorce could be a solution. If you are harmed by your husband, then you have the right to seek divorce, as highlighted in fatwa 131953. Allaah says (what means): {But if they separate [by divorce], Allaah will enrich each [of them] from His abundance. And ever is Allaah Encompassing and Wise.} [Quran 4:130]
Al-Qurtubi said about the interpretation of this verse, “That is to say even if they did not reconcile, and they separated; they should both have good expectations of Allaah, as Allaah may bless the man with a wife who would be a comfort to his eyes, and He may bless the woman with a husband who would lavishly spend on her.”
On the other hand, what you mentioned about his mother is very strange and disgusting, that she opened the door while you were having sexual intercourse and stared at you. If this is really what happened, and she did that deliberately, then this is evidence of bad intention and corrupt inner self. This is indeed an act for which she must be advised and reminded of Allaah. If your husband prevents you from closing the door during sexual intercourse, then he is very wrong.
In conclusion, we recommend two things:
1. You should openly discuss the matter with your husband and try to reach a mutual understanding with him in the light of what we have mentioned while supplicating Allaah to rectify the matter between you so that respect and good marital relations would prevail between the two of you, as Allaah ordered, saying (what means): {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.} [Quran 2:228] For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 101108.
2. Maintaining good relations with the in-laws; if the wife has good relations with her husband's parents and serves them, then they should appreciate her kindness and reward her for it, at least by praising her actions and not by offending her or harming her.
Allaah knows best.