Handling delinquent child
29-3-2016 | IslamWeb
Question:
Respected Scholar, We are in very grave situation and ask you for help and guidance and a fatwa. We live in Canada, we sent our oldest daughter, who is now 31 years old, to a Darul Uloom in Buffalo,NY at the age of 13. At 18, she completed her Hifiz and Alima. She told us that she was sexualy abused by the owner/teacher of that Darul Uloom. Due to this, she developed mental and psycholigcal issues to such extent that she has denounced her religion as a Muslim and has tried to commit suicide twice. Since then, she has been living by herself and has been having affairs with men, and she also became a drinker. She influenced her younger sister, who also left the home, without any consideration for her mother, who has cancer and has little time left, to live a life of lies, alcohal, drugs, and sex, to the extent that she goes to bars to find men and practices online dating. We tried to convince both of them repeatedly to get married, but they refused. Can you please guide us on how to deal with this grave situation?
1. Given that both of them cut all connection with us and do not want us to contact them - What do we do?
2. Given that the older one has already denounced the religion of Islam in writing and that the younger one has the same ideas, do we have to give them a share of the inheritance in this situation since they are out of Islam, and does the rule of Muslim inheritance still apply to them? We are afraid that with their life style they will spend their share on haram activities for sure.
3. It is so disturbing that they do not even seem human beings, how can children behave like this with their dying mother? We are 60 and 65 years of age.
4.They tell their friends that they hate their parents, and this is the excuse that they have for their free life style.
5. I am also confused with this; Allaah says that he does not put a burden on his slave bigger than what he can handle, but the burden on us is unthinkable.
6. How do we deal with the people in the community, as they avoid even giving us Salam?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
There is no doubt that this is an enormous trial. It is part of the wisdom of Allaah, The Exalted, that He tests the person in his wife and children. The best solace at the time of affliction is patience. Verily, patience is the key to relief and a reason for having one's rank elevated and his sins forgiven. Please refer to fatwa 83577 about the great merits of patience.
Patience should be joined with sincere supplication to Allaah; verily, He is All-Hearing and answers the supplications of the distressed and relieves harms. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Is He (not best) Who responds to the desperate one when he calls upon Him and removes evil and makes you inheritors of the earth? Is there a deity with Allaah? Little do you remember.} [Quran 27:62]
The parents' supplication for their child is answered, as is stated in the authentic Sunnah. Abu Hurayrah 
narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said, “There are three supplications that will undoubtedly be answered: the supplication of one who has been wronged; the supplication of the traveler; and the supplication of a parent for his child.” [Ibn Maajah - Al-Albaani graded it hasan (good)]
If your elder daughter denounced her religion (proclaimed apostasy), then this is indeed a very serious matter, and so is the fact that her younger sister embraced the same ideas of disbelief. However, you should not hasten to declare them apostates until they are educated beyond the excuse of ignorance and all doubts have been eliminated. You should seek the help of a scholar to talk to them and refute the misconceptions that they may have about Islam. If their apostasy has been established, then they have no share in the inheritance. Usaamah ibn Yazeed reported that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said, “The Muslim does not inherit from a non-Muslim, and the non-Muslim does not inherit from a Muslim.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 244249.
The scholar who would be asked to talk to them should also remind them of the rights of their parents over them and that they are obliged to show dutifulness towards them. He should warn them of the gravity of being undutiful towards them and of the fact that a sane person cannot hate his/her own parents, who were the reason for his/her very existence in this world and who looked after him/her as a child and endured a lot in the process of raising him/her.
As to people's ill treatment of you and their refraining from greeting you, you should meet it with patience first, then you should show kindness towards them. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel (evil) by that (deed) which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity (will become) as though he was a devoted friend.} [Quran 41:34] There is no harm in seeking the help of wise and respected people to investigate the reason of their attitude and clarify to them whatever they may have found confusing about you.
As for the verse that reads (what means): {Allaah does not charge a soul except (with that within) its capacity...} [Quran 2:286], it is related to the religious obligations (acts of worship). But in any case, trials come with great rewards. Anas ibn Maalik narrated that the Prophet, sallallaahu ʻalayhi wa sallam, said, “The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allaah loves a people, He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure, but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” [At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah - Al-Albaani graded it hasan saheeh (sound or good)]
The patient people were promised three rewards, each of them is better than the whole worldly life and all of its pleasures. Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allaah, and indeed to Him we will return.” Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the (rightly) guided.} [Quran 2:155-157]
We implore Allaah to guide your daughters to the straight path, shield them from sinful acts and temptations, and return them to Islam graciously.
Allaah knows best.