Overwhelmed by Family Problems
18-7-2000 | IslamWeb
Question:
My father & my mother in-law are brother & sister. My mother died in 1981. My father married my mother stepsister who is 1/3 of my father age. My mother in-law & father is living very near. My father has two sons from second marriage. His elder son is 15, the other is 12. I have 5 brothers in-law. My husband is eldest son of his family. My father in-law died when my husband was only 15. There is a very big land in front of my father's house. Two and ½ portions are my in-law's land, ½ is a other person's and 1 portion is for my father. This land is used in dry reason for harvesting paddy; in rainy reason it used as fishing pond. My father agreed with my in-laws that they can use it in rainy days for fisheries. They are getting a good amount by selling fishes which my father cannot tolerate; as a result he insist that I tell my in-laws to vacate that land, or sell that land to my father. If I sell that land it will make a good quarrel between them. I did not do so as a result my father (please Allah forgive me) tells lies that my husband with his brother tryed to kick him off that land and many other lies which make my life totally miserable. For last one year I am suffering from these problems (blame and frustration). All my brothers and sisters have cut their relationship; my father is very unhappy and doesn't talk to me. I am very afraid! Did my father curse me, my children, my husband? Is Allah unhappy because I am not helping my father? These question are making my mind confused; as a result sometime I cannot concentrate on prayers (Talawatay Qu'ran Pak.) Whenever I get time I offer lots of du'aa' recite, Qur'an Sharif but still feel upset, helpless, and guilty.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
You are asked to help your father and your husband within the permissible limits of the Sharee'ah. If one of them is a transgressor, then you should exhort him and try to keep him away from injustice as the Prophet taught us; he said: "Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or oppressed person. A Companion asked; Messenger of Allah (it is true) I will help him if he is an oppressed person, but please tell me, how I am to help him if he happens to be an oppressor. The Prophet said: “You can prevent him from doing injustice. Because preventing him from committing aggression is a help to him.” [Al-Bukhari]
Try your best to be a good mediator between them because both of them have their rights on you. You are not obliged to force any of them to give up his rights. Moreover, it may be out of your ability. You should be patient and tolerate the disturbance you are facing from your father. Try your best to be in good terms with your father and to please him. Do not cut off your relations with him or with your family members. Put a trustworthy mediator to solve this problem if possible. If you do so, you will fulfill what is, in fact, your responsibility. Allah does not impose a burden on someone greater than what he can bear.
Believe that all the good Islamic acts you are performing such as prayers, supplications, recitation of the Quran and invocations etc. are good deeds. We appreciate what you are doing and advise you to keep on doing them.
Do not be concerned about these problems; believe that all matters are in the Hand of Allah. He Alone can drive them away and, no doubt, soon He will relieve you from those problems.
Allah knows best.