Settling disputes between brothers
7-9-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
Due to a heated argument and quarrel I asked my older brother to get out of the house few times by shouting. Later I realised my mistake and asked forgiveness after sometime but it seems he is not accepting my apology. What should I do? Another brother of mine scolded me in front of others but when he came I just salaam him (shake hands) he hesitated at first them salaam me without even looking at me. By right he should apologies to me but then he is thinking as a big headed person. How should the correct way be?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Reconciling is one of the best deeds by which one gets closer to Allaah. Abu Ad-Dardaa' 
narrated: ''The Prophet 
said: ''Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than fasting, prayer and spending in charity?" The people replied: 'Yes, O, Prophet of Allaah!' He said: "Reconciling between people." [Abu Daawood and others] On the contrary, spoiling relations between people is forbidden. The remaining of the previous Hadeeth is ''And spoiling the relations between people is the shaver (destruction)." Therefore, you have to fear Allaah regarding your family and relatives, and do not let Satan spoil your relations. Severing relations with kinfolk is a great major sin, and those who severe kinship are cursed. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): {Such are they whom Allaah has cursed, for he had made them deaf and blinded their sight.}[47:23].
So each of you has to forgive the one who wronged him, as forgiving others is a means of having ones own sins being forgiven by Allaah.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): {Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not love that Allaah should forgive you? And Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.}[24:22]. Forgiving others is also a means of becoming honourable and glorious. It is confirmed that the Prophet said: ''Allaah does not increase the one who forgives except exaltness in rank''. [Muslim]
Islam urged people to start greeting the other party when there is a dispute or disagreement. The Prophet said: ''The best of the two is the one who starts saying salaam.'' [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] Thus, a Muslim is greatly rewarded when he establishes relations with those who sever ties with him. Imaam Muslim 
reported that a man came to the Prophet, Sallallaahu Alayhi wa sallam, and said: "O Allaah's Messenger! My relatives are such that I maintain ties with them, but they sever ties with me; I am kind to them but they ill-treat me; I forbear and they are rude to me. The beloved Prophet, Sallallaahu Alayhi wa sallam, said: "If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them with hot ash; and so long as you continue as you are, Allaah will help you and He will protect you against their mischief".
Lastly, we remind you that you should not get angry with them, as the Prophet warned us against getting angry, because one usually regrets the consequence after it.
Allaah knows best.