Confused about non-praying, unfaithful husband
24-10-2004 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am a 20-years-old woman, who got engaged with my 23-years-old cousin. We got engaged when I was 17-years and got married when I was 18-years and now we got a son who is 5 months. We got married on love and not forced by our parents. In the begging we had small normal problems. But now they are getting bigger. My husband has always prayed but suddenly for a year he stopped praying and started to smoke hash and did not have time for me he only had time for himself and his friends, who are boys between 19-23 years and does not have any job or family who look after them or any responsibility (single boys). For a year he started to be staring and could not stand to be at home with me he started to hate me. He was always out and came only home at 5 in the morning to sleep. I was pregnant that time. I found out that he was unfaithful. So I went to my parents and was there in 6 month. In that 6 month I suffered. He was still living in our own flat and he was out and I don't know what he was doing. But he got in jail in 3 month because a fight with another man. When he got out of jail, his parents took him to a Shaykh because someone has doing (sayer) black magic to him, that he never should be happy in his life with me or job. He also lost his job. They got the Jinn/Satan out of him, and then he wanted me back. I went back to him and forgave him for being unfaithful, because everybody around me said that he did not do it on purpose, and we lived happy for a month with our new son. But he is still not praying and still does not having a job and still smoking hash. And we stopped having sex like before. Suddenly he started again, was out all day long, not working and only thinks of his friends and his dog that he buys. He forgot all about me and our son he spend to times on me and our son and the rest of the day on his friends and dog. He asked me if we could have the dog in our place because then he would not go out so much but I said no because of Islaam. So now he has his dog at his friends (who is a Danish girl) house. I don't know what they are doing, but he says that he never are at her house alone with her, he says that he always has a friend with him. Some days he is very lovely and some days he does not care about us if we miss him or anything. All he wants is being with his friends, who is bad friends in my eyes because they are not in his place they are single boys who only wants to party and smoke and have fun. Now I am back at my parent's house. The question is: I have been patient in so long time without getting something out of it. I have hoped and prayed for the best. (I unfortunately do not pray 5 times a day, but Insha Allaah, I will start very soon Insha Allaah). I have waited and waited and he does not have changed yet. But he always says that he does not want to divorce me because he loves me. But that is not enough, he need to show me respect and love and be with me instead of his friends and those girls and the dog. He says he want to sale the dog but has not done it yet. I am so confused should I ask him for a divorce or should I still wait and be patient? Some day I think I should divorce him because I deserve better than that. But then I think of the future if I can find another man, because I am still young but who wants a woman who had been married and has a child. And I can not imagine another man to take care of my son, and I think there will come a lots of problems about our son. I am very confused and need some advise. So tell me what should I do? Please answer me and help me to do the right.
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
You have to know that the hardships that befall a person in his life could be because of a sin that he/she had committed. Allaah says (interpretation of meaning): {And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much.}[42: 30]. You don't know, it could be that the tribulations that you are experiencing are a result of your being negligent about one of the greatest obligations which Allaah has ordained, which are the prayers as these are the second pillar of Islam after the declaration of faith. The prayers are the first thing a person will account for on the Day of Judgement. If the prayers are complete, the remaining actions will be complete, and if the prayers are not complete, then the rest of the actions will not be complete as well. So you have to repent, as this could cause your difficulties to be solved. As regards your husband, you have to advise him and remind him about Allaah, and supplicate to Allaah as much as possible and seek the help of whomever you think can influence him; perhaps he will repent. If he becomes righteous, this is good for him and good for your son. So if he repents, all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise it is permissible for you to ask for a divorce, and if he refuses, you can take the matter to one of the Islamic foundations that can relieve you from his harm.
Finally, we draw your attention to the following matters:
Firstly, being deflowered is not an obstacle in religion to remarry, and it is not an obstacle even according to the customs of people.
Secondly, if the mother remarries she loses the right of the fostering of her child and this right moves to whoever is more appropriate for his fostering, like the grandmother for instance.
Thirdly, if you are quite sure that he is a victim of magic, he has to seek treatment by Ruqyah (with Qur'aanic verses and Prophetic supplications), and be careful not to go to magicians.
Allaah knows best.