Has relations with non-practicing Muslim
10-5-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I am the one who wrote question for Fatwa: 89860. I told my boyfriend the answer that was given to me. I told him that I could not see him anymore until he was ready to marry me. I was crying and very sad. He insisted that I stop crying and stop expressing my feelings in that manner. He also told me not to personalize this religion. He told me not to bring our relationship into Islam. He told me not to bring him up in my education and guidance in Islam. I was told by him that I am not even close to being a Muslim like he is because he was born one and I converted as of one month ago. When I questioned why he does not practice Islam he told me that it is not my business to the choices he makes. I told him that I was not personalizing anything. I just want to adhere to the rules. I asked him why he did not practice Islam when he encountered me. He should not have been looking at women. He told me that it is the US and that I make him weak to sin. I do not understand that because he has had other intimate relations with other ladies in the past. He says he wants to marry me, but not right now. I am confused. I do not know what to do. Do you think I am thinking right by asking questions relating to my personal life as I developed as a Muslim? He also told me that my crying means I am not using my brain and that I am acting with emotions. This is when I told him that I can see him anymore till we are married. Why is he saying these things to me? Please give me advice. I feel like he introduced me to Islam and now that I am really deciding to adhere to it I feel he doesn't like it. I know God is more important than he is, but I love him so much and I want him to grow and become more dedicated to Islam with me. He told me what he does is not my business the choices he makes. I do not mean to tell him what to do or what he is doing wrong. I am worried about myself and my relationship with him as me being a Muslim now. Please help me. What do you think of all I said. He also told me not to worry about all the little stuff and that I do not know enough about Islam to be concerned with the little unlawful things right now. I feel like he discourages me a little. Is he correct? I have been a Muslim now for about three weeks. I have been intensly studying Islam for a month. I spend every chance that I get to learn of Islam and to be a genuine Muslim. It is what I believe in whole heartedly. He also thinks that I am taking Islam just because of personal reasons and beliefs. Isn't that why you should? I mean it has to do with me personally and God, not me and society. Am I thinking correctly on that matter? He does not want me to talk about him because he does not practice Islam routinely. He says that I will embarrass him. My response to that was if you know all that you do how you could not follow this very seriously. He doesn't think it is my business. I feel it is my business if I am with him. I told him I read that it is his responsibility as a man to help keep me steadfast as a Muslim. Is the man an acceptation to the rule? Should he blame me for his sinful relation with me? I do not want sin anymore that is my whole goal here. I want to marry him and I want him to be good. Is it wrong for me to want to be a team with him and persuade a healthy life in the eyes of God with him?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
We congratulate you on your acceptance of Islam and determination to adhere to the Islamic rulings in your day - to - day life. May Allaah pour His blessing upon you, grant you happiness and show you the true path.
We feel very sad for the way your boyfriend has been behaving with you. He is totally wrong and committing many mistakes such as discouraging you to follow the ruling of Islam, claiming that you were the reason behind him sinning, saying that the matter of the religion is a personal matter, having premarital relations and many other sins.
Islam does not differentiate between a new Muslim and a born - Muslim, neither does it approve superiority based on origin, country, color language etc. The noble and honorable person in Islam is the one who fears Allaah most. Allaah says (which means): {O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allaah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allaah is Knowing and Acquainted.}[Quran 49:13].
We advise you not to be saddened with what your boy friend is doing and saying to you. You have to try your best to get closer to Allaah and to please Him. Heeding the commands of Allaah the Lord of the Universe takes precedence over one's own desires or the desires of His creatures. Whoever trusts in Allaah and gives up something for the sake of Allaah, He will give him/her something better in its place.
Allaah says (which means): {… And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine …}[65:2-3].
The Prophet 
said: "Whoever gives something up for the sake of Allaah, He will surely replace it with some thing better."
Now, you have to thankful to Allaah that He guided you to the right path and blessed you to understand the truth. So, you have to respect this blessing by adhering to the commands of Allaah, neglecting other interests.
We advise you to cut all relations with this man since he has abandoned his religion and will not help you remain steadfast on the path of Allaah. Supplicate Allaah; He will grant you a nice and religious husband who will love you and respect you, Allaah willing.
Finally, if this man repents sincerely and follows the religion truly then you may marry him.