Claims her husband is abusive and negligent
25-5-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
I and my cousin wanted to get married with each other. We tried our best to make our parents understand our love but his parents didn't want this to happen then my parents arranged my marriage. I started my married life with pure intentions towards my husband. But unluckily, my husband didn't care about me. As we got settled in America, I tried my best to be with him through thick and thin. I did the job, I helped him in doing his job, I helped him in his studies, I used to do all of my duties. But soon after marriage [on the 4th day] he slapped me on my face as my nail hit his nose accidentally then I realized that he is abusive then after a while or so it started happening that he used to physically abuse me. He also used to abuse me verbally whenever he used to get mad on routine matters e.g. throwing the trash away, etc. but I thought that I'll deal with him no matter what. But I don't know what happened after my daughter's birth that I couldn't tolerate all that. Even when I was having contractions he left me alone in the hospital, they didn't hospitalize me because of the duration of the contractions. So in the state of contractions, I called a taxi and went back to home. When my daughter was born, he didn't get an off from his job, I got so many stitches but he left me at home with daughter but without the pain killers for my stitches though he could easily get the off from his job if he wanted to then he never used to allow me to take an off from my job not even when I used to feel sick or my daughter is sick. He used to threat me that if I am not going to do the job then he is going to leave me. I tried to help him in everything but he never appreciated me. After the birth of my daughter, he got very abusive physically and verbally. All the times, arguments [about fulfilling all of his needs and expectations] started happening. And it made me reach to the conclusion that I can't tolerate his behaviour anymore and he can't change. He did agreements so many times that he is not going to abuse me at all but it never happened. After the agreement, he used to be fine for 3 or 4 days but then he used to be abusive again. But now at this time when my daughter is a year old, I want the divorce because he hurt me not only physically but mentally as well. I started suffering from OCD [obsessive compulsive disorder] I started washing myself a lot. It started grossing me out whenever he used to touch me. I get confused about getting the divorce as I don't want my child to live a life without a father but then I don't want my child to grow where she can see that her father abuses her mother.
after reaching to the conclusion that I should file for the divorce, at my auntie's house I got a chance to talk to my cousin with whom I wanted to get married but I talked to him not because of any wrong intentions, I came to know that he knows everything about me though one of my friends. My cousin had a good knowledge about Islam so I just wanted him to direct me to the right conclusion according to the rules of Islam.
Please tell according to Allaah's Orders, what is good for me to get the divorce or to do compromise for my child's sake. The only things which are making me reach to the conclusion of getting divorce because of his abusive nature. He doesn't drink, he is not involved with anyone else.
I have decided if I am going to get divorce I won't get remarried. I'll spend my life in raising my daughter. What should I do?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Islam urged the husband to live honourably with his wife and be kind to her and not use the right of protecting her and providing for her as a means of being oppressive to her and harming her. Allaah says (what means): {And live with them honourably.}[Quran 4:19]
Moreover, the Prophet said: "Be kind to your wives". [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] The Prophet also said: "Indeed I strongly forbid the right of the two weak persons [i.e. I strongly warn you against taking their right]: the orphan's and the wife's right." [Ibn Maajah]
One must observe the religious requirements in hitting; for instance, not leaving any scars or marks, or hitting her face, and it is forbidden for a husband to beat his wife without a sound reason.
So if your husband is as you mentioned that he has a bad moral character and he harmed you to the extent that you mentioned, then we advise you to supplicate Allaah as much as possible to make him righteous, as this is the best weapon. We also advise you to be patient and endeavour to turn him into a righteous man by seeking the help of righteous and pious people, as they might succeed in making him righteous.
If this is achieved, then all perfect praise be to Allaah. Otherwise, we think that you should seek the advice of the trustworthy brothers who are running the Islamic centers in seeking divorce, or being patient with him for the interest of the daughter. We believe that they would give you an appropriate advice as they are more aware of the situation there in your country.
Finally, we would like to attract your attention to the following matters:
1) It is not permissible to resort to man-made laws. Muslims should take their case to an authority who may substitute for a Muslim judge, like the Islamic centres and the like.
2) You should not take into consideration the whispers that the devil inflicts on you; indeed you have to seek refuge in Allaah from them. If you are sure that you performed an act of worship, then there is no need to doubt about it. You should not take into account these whispers even if they take place during an act of worship.
3) A woman should not speak to a marriageable man except for a need and provided there is no temptation or doubt.
Allaah Knows best.