Her fiancée asks her promise to obey him
10-10-2005 | IslamWeb
Question:
My fiancée asked me to promise him that in case of a disagreement between us, he will make the decision and I have to obey him. I told him that I will not do anything against Islam, I am trying to organize my life with Islamic rules also, that I am not saying I am not going to obey him, but even in Muslim families there may be disagreements and even Muslim couples divorce sometimes, I cannot promise about something uncertain, without knowing the circumstances, but in any case I will not do anything to harm my marriage. I am only against the idea of promising for something I don't know of. But he insisted that I must promise him, saying that he wants his family to follow Islamic rules, and he decided to break up. What is our situation in Islamic point of view and what do you suggest me now?
Answer:
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Among the most important religious objectives in marital life is the achievement of stability and affection. Allaah Says (which means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy….}[Quran 30:21]. In order to achieve this objective, the spouses must respect each other and fulfil each other's rights. On one hand, the husband is Islamicly obliged to spend on his wife and live with her reasonably; Allaah Says (which means): {…And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable,}[Quran 2:228]. On the other hand, the wife is Islamicly required to obey her husband within what is permissible as long as she is not harmed. The Prophet 
said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to someone else other than Allaah, I would have ordered the wife to prostrate to her husband." [At-Tirmithi]
It is on the above basis that the family should be established if the spouses want to be happy. A person who wants to marry should think accordingly. As regards assuming the occurrence of misunderstandings or disputes and the like between the spouses, then this could negatively affect the marital life especially that the grounds of discussion are made clear in our religion, like the husband being the person who protects, preserves and spends on his wife, while the wife is obliged to obey him within what is permissible.
Finally, there is no harm to promise whoever you want to marry not to differ with him in matters that are permissible to obey him or in matters in which you are obliged to obey him.
Allaah Knows best.