The husband's right over his wife

The wise wife:
The wise wife is the one who helps her husband conquer his own shortcomings by reminding him of Allah The Almighty so that their marital happiness lasts. The wives of the Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, used to tell their husbands when they went out for work, “Fear Allah The Almighty and stay away from illicit gain.”

• Mutual respect
It is a truly great blessing if mutual respect always prevails between the spouses.
The wife should respect her husband, realize that he is in charge of her, and must not try to change that fact. She should know that he is the master of the family, its guardian, and the one in charge.
How great was the example of Umm Haani’, may Allah be pleased with her. When the Prophet proposed to her, she refused as she had children and was afraid that she might not be able to fulfill her duties as a mother and a wife.
• Be an earth for him and he will be your sky:

Dear sister, read the advice that was given by Asmaa’ bint Khaarijah, the wife of ‘Awf Ash-Shaybaani, to her daughter before her marriage. This advice is comprehensive as it combines the basics of the marital life and the morals that every girl should acquire before getting married.

Asmaa’ told her daughter,
“O daughter! If advice should not be offered to the well-mannered, I would not advise you, but it is a reminder for the oblivious and an aid to those who are sensible. O daughter! If any woman were to dispense with having a husband, you would be the most worthy one of that, but women were created for men and men were also created for women.
O daughter! You will leave the house where you grew up to live with a man whom you do not know, so be an earth for him and he will be your sky. Be a resting place for him and he will be your pillar; be his bondmaid and he will be your slave and apply the following ten tips so that he would be a supportive husband:
• Be modest, contented and obedient.
• Be watchful of his nose and his eye so he will smell nothing from you but that which is sweet and look at nothing but that which is beautiful.
• Be careful of the timings of his sleep and food as being hungry or sleepy makes him angry.
• Be careful with his money and take good care of your children.
• Do not disobey his orders or reveal his secrets as disobeying him would arouse his anger and revealing his secrets would make him plot against you.
• Avoid being happy when he is sad or being sad when he is happy.
• Respect him as much as you can so that he would honor you as much as he can.
• Agree with him as much as possible and he will accompany you constantly and be sure that you will not attain what you aspire until you have put his satisfaction before yours and his wishes before yours, and Allah The Almighty choose for you.”

Every wise mother should advise her daughter in the same way and give her the same valuable advice that includes all the rights of the husband!

The rights of the husband over his wife

First: Obeying him according to what is reasonable

What is reasonable is what was approved by Sharee‘ah (Islamic legislation). The wife should obey her husband in matters that Allah The Almighty does not forbid. Allah The Almighty Says (what means):
• {And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]. And Allah is exalted in Might and Wise.} [Quran 2:228]
• {Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah Has Given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth.} [Quran 4:34]

Disobeying the husband incurs the anger of Allah The Almighty and His curse. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet said: “If a husband calls his wife to his bed and she refuses causing him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her untill morning.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Ibn Al-Jawzi said, “Any sensible wife should, when she finds a suitable husband, endeavor to satisfy him and avoid anything that annoys him. If she annoys him or does what he dislikes, he will be bored and may find a good chance to leave her or prefer to be in anyone else’s company leaving her all alone. It is well-known that any person can feel bored, so when a man is not that happy, it would be more probable that he would feel bored.”

Second: To stay at home and not go out without the husband’s permission

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance.} [Quran 33:33] This verse was for the wives of the Prophet but it is considered guidance for the rest of the women of the Ummah to follow their example.

Third: Preserving his honor and wealth

The Prophet said: “The wife is a caretaker at her husband’s home and she will be held responsible for what she is in charge of.” [Al-Bukhari]

Fourth: Cooking and housekeeping

The proof that a wife is required to serve the husband is what was mentioned by Ibn Al-Qayyim in his book, Zaad Al-Ma‘aad. He said, “When ‘Ali and Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with them, complained to the Prophet he divided the responsibilities between them. He assigned the housework to Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, and the outdoor work to ‘Ali, may Allah be pleased with him.”

Fifth: Adornment for the husband

Jaabir, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “Once, we were with the Prophet coming back from one of the battles. When we were about to enter Al-Madeenah, he said: ‘Wait so that you may enter at night so that the woman of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic hair.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

Sixth: Respecting the husband’s feelings

You should avoid any saying, deed, or act that may hurt your husband. You should consider his social and financial status.

Seventh: Keeping the husband’s secrets

This is one of the mutual rights for both the husband and wife.

Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard.} [Quran 4:34] Some scholars said that this verse means the women who keep the secrets that should be kept. The Prophet said: “The most wicked of people on the Day of Judgment is a man who goes in unto a woman (i.e. his wife) and she goes in unto him, and then he divulges her secret.” [Muslim]

A reminder

Dear sister, remember that the Prophet said: “I was shown Hell-fire and the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.” It was asked, ‘Do they disbelieve in Allah?’ (or are they ungrateful to Allah?) He replied, “They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you.’” [Al-Bukhari]

Be tactful

Tactfulness simply means to say a suitable word and to react intelligently. In other words, an articulate, tactful wife is one who says the proper words according to the situation and who has the ability to win the situation.

Here is a famous incident where a woman acted tactfully:

Once, Khaalid ibn Yazeed ibn Mu‘aawiyah, disputed with ‘Abdullaah ibn Az-Zubayr, the rival of Banu Umayyah, and called him a ‘miser’. His wife, Ramlah Bint Az-Zubayr, the sister of ‘Abdullaah ibn Az-Zubayr, was sitting nearby, but she did not say a word. Khaalid asked her, “Why do you not speak? Does this indicate that you agree with what I say or you disdain to reply?” She said, “Neither this nor that, but women were not created to interfere between men. Women are flowers who can just be smelled and embraced." He admired her reply and was amazed at her sensibility.

Dear sister,

Avoid characteristics that your husband hates and be keen on respecting and revering him. In Ibn Al-Jawzi’s interpretation of the verse (what means): {But the men have a degree over them [in responsibility and authority]}, he quoted Sa‘eed ibn Al-Musayyib’s daughter who said, “We used to speak to our husbands in the same manner in which you speak to your princes.”
Would you follow the example of the daughter of Sa‘eed ibn Al-Musayyib ?

Ibn Al-Jawzi said, “A wife should be patient regarding the harm of her husband just as a slave is patient with his master’s harm.”

Some of the Arabs said, “Do not marry any of these six types of women: The oft-complaining, the oft-boasting about the favors she has done, the one who would wish to be married to another man, the one who desires everything sees, the one who is fussy about her appearance, and the one who is talkative.”

‘Abdullaah ibn Ja‘far, may Allah be pleased with him, said to his daughter, “O daughter! Be wary of jealousy as it is the key to divorce and avoid reproaching as it causes hatred.”

Three things can undermine a woman: love for money, selfishness, and love for authority; whereas three matters can elevate her: sacrificing, loyalty and virtue.

Once, a man asked Al-Hasan “To whom would you marry your daughters?” He said, “To the one who fears Allah The Almighty; if he loves her, he will honor her and if he hate her, he would not do her wrong.”